Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Looking into the past...

This is a picture of me from Dec. 2010 (ignore the date, the date on the picture it isn't correct)

I don't even have words to describe the feelings have right now looking at the person I used to be...

Me and my bro this year... Happy... that is the word I would use to describe the person in this picture...

Thursday, December 6, 2012


MILES! That is how far I ran... Holy Crap! I am super pumped that I was able to finish that one tonight. It is always hardest the first time around. I did it in an hour and 9 minutes, *strutting around* damn right!

I was talking to my friend as we stretched and I was just in aw over running 5.5 miles. She asked me: "Remember when you could only run a block?". I DO! I do remember the day struggling to get to that next stop sign and how happy I was when I had ran 3 blocks... 3 blocks! Crazy to think back on that. Actually, just this last summer my goal was to run 1 lap around the track w/o stopping. So excited when I got to 2 laps and was ecstatic when I finally ran a mile. I also ran my first 5k ever only 3 months ago! I think what I am getting at is... you can achieve anything when you work for it. Do NOT give up on the things you want. It may take some time and hard work, but you will get there... I will get there. I have a 1/2 marathon to run!

So what if I may need some reminding sometimes and have my moments when I am pouting about getting stuck? It is all worth it. It is worth the tears, sweat, crazy thoughts, fear of gaining, the feeling of still being over weight, the hot air balloon rides and the fear of being picked on at the gym... It. Is. Worth it.

When you have your strength, will power and great friends and family by your side... I know I can do this and I know you can do whatever you set your mind to.

Keep your head up.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Feeling the big 3 letter F word...

Warning: I will be whining in this post.

The past few weeks have been a roller coaster of numbers on the scale. I got down to 195 and was super pumped... now I am at 197 and I am super pouty. I have started a new workout and have been trying to keep my food in check. However, it was 2 weekends of eating out and adult beverages, not the best combination to lose weight.

I am wanting to not be so obsessed with that number on the scale, but it seems the more I "try" the more obsessed I am over it. I am sick and tired of seeing 197 on that scale. I know in my heart that I will lose the weight eventually, but in my head... I want it gone now! :)

So here I sit feeling like I am still overweight at 197 (ridiculous I know and you can yell at me next time you see me.) and I don't know what to do. I even look at myself in the window when I walk across the sky walk at work and feel F*t.

My next step is to reel in my food choices once again and keep the calories in check. My fitness has changed recently so I am hoping that is still good to go for awhile. I have been through this before, but the same feelings of frustration just seem more powerful at the moment than my feelings of success.

End of pouting.

<Side note: I KNOW 2 lbs. is a stupid thing to be irritated with, but when you have been over 300 lbs. every lb. seems to be important. I will shake this,but needed to whine a bit. Thanks for reading!>

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Tis the Season...

It is the start of the sparkling lights, family memories and... lots of goodies and treats around. Yes, I am talking about the holidays. I remember being so freaked out and nervous last year, going though the holidays for the first time after making my healthy changes. Yikes! However, I survived, just like I will this time around. I am more confident going in because I have been through it once and I am more sure of the habits I have created. I love this time of year and I am glad I have gotten over the serious nerves. I will still have issues and have to over think everything, but I will make it.

Last week was Thanksgiving and I spent it with friends here in La Crosse. I started the day attending a Turkey Trot... A 5 mile Turkey Trot... yeah I know!!! It was tough, oh man was it tough. I had fallen the week before and banged up my knee.** To those who know me... you shouldn't be surprised I fell. To those who don't know me... everyone should be surprised how long I have been running without having a fall. ** Any who... My knee was still bruised and I pushed myself earlier in the week. I thought I was good to go. My knee pained me a little, so I did a lot more on and off running than usual.

 My friend that was with me was planning to run with me the whole way. However, I felt horrible I kept starting and stopping and ended up telling her to go ahead. I was super upset when I had to stop and walk the first time. Reason for that: There was no mile markers! I had thought I hadn't even gone a mile yet! Turns out it was way past a mile, which made me feel better. A lot of this running is a mental game. Knowing you made it to mile 2 and only have 3 to go is better than not knowing how much farther it will be. I pushed and finished in 1 hour and 2 minutes! I was super pumped to finish and see my friends at the finish line. I love that we are getting out there and doing races together.

I went home after the race to prepare my dessert for Thanksgiving. I made a "healthier" cheesecake made out of Greek yogurt and splenda and then a pumpkin fluff pie with sugar free pudding and pumpkin. I spent a wonderful vegetarian Thanksgiving with good friends and their little ones. It was one of the best days.

So now we are here... this week is when my gym at work closes for construction and my gym at home is still under construction... what is a girl to do? Well, I started the work out Insanity. Yeah, again, I know right?! Holy crap I am only day 2 in and I hurt. It is crazy, but I feel so good when I am done. I need to take more breaks, but I am sweating and kicking butt til the end. It is a new challenge and I look forward to sticking with it!


Chocolate Chip Candy Cane Cheesecakehttp://www.hungry-girl.com/images/printable/print-recipe.png
1/8th of cake: 187 calories, 3g fat, 378mg sodium, 29g carbs, <0.5g fiber, 24.5g sugars, 11.5g protein --PointsPlus® value 5*

Sure, candy canes are typically associated with December holidays... But this criminally delicious cheesecake is worth making TODAY!

16 oz. fat-free cream cheese, room temperature
1/2 cup granulated white sugar, or HG Alternative
1 tsp. vanilla extract
6 oz. (about 2/3 cup) fat-free vanilla Greek yogurt, room temperature
1/2 cup liquid egg whites (about 4 egg whites), room temperature
2 tbsp. all-purpose flour
2 standard-sized candy canes or 8 mini candy canes, crushed
1/4 cup mini semi-sweet chocolate chips
Optional topping: Fat Free Reddi-wip

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Spray a 9-inch springform cake pan with nonstick spray.

In a large bowl, combine cream cheese, sugar, and vanilla extract. Beat until smooth with an electric mixer set to medium speed, 1 - 2 minutes.

Continue to beat while gradually adding yogurt, egg whites, and flour. Beat until thoroughly mixed, about 2 minutes.

Stir in half of the candy canes. Evenly pour mixture into the cake pan.

Sprinkle with chocolate chips. Bake until firm, 40 - 45 minutes.

Sprinkle with remaining crushed candy canes. Let cool completely. Refrigerate until chilled.

Release springform, slice, and serve!

Pumpkin Pudding
2 small boxes of instant vanilla pudding (can use sugar-free/fat-free if you like)
1 15 oz can pumpkin
1 tsp pumpkin pie spice
2 C skim milk
8 oz (small container) light or fat-free cool whip
Combine all ingredients together, I use a hand mixer for everything except the cool whip – I fold that in. Chill for at least 15 min.
You could put this in a graham cracker crust if you would like


Monday, November 19, 2012

My mind is ramblin...

My first running injury... No one should be surprised that I would trip and fall on one of my runs. What I am sure many are surprised about is that it took so long! Yes, I indeed fell on my run last week. I tripped over the uneven sidewalk and landed on my hands and knees. A few abrasions and bruises, nothing broken or sprained. I then got up and... ran another 1/2 mile or so. I know right?! I felt like I could do it, until it really started hurting. All in all I was lucky it wasn't worse.

Unfortunatly I was supposed to run a 5k on that Saturday. I was thinking I could up until the night before. I actually held some hope the day of, that I actually went and ran around my apartment building. But, to my disappointment, I decided to sit this one out. I still went to the race and felt left out, but was proud of my friends that ran the race.

So! I am back at it. I was on the elliptical tonight for 43 minutes and went 4 miles. My knee hurts a tish, but I need to get ready for Thursday. On Thursday I will be running in a 5 mile Turkey Trot! I had my heart set on this race so I am glad I rested on Saturday.

Now lets talk about feelings... I was so disappointed I wasn't going to be able to run. Those are some thoughts I NEVER thought I would have. I actually got teary eyed on Friday night and my poor friend had to talk me through it. (She went through the "omg I eat french fries" moment, so she is technically a pro now.) I am always afraid of disappointing. However, no one would expect me to run when I was hurt... so who was I trying to not disappoint?? It is that guilty feeling that comes about once in awhile. Feeling guilty over nothing... *sigh*

As much as those feelings can eat me up inside, they keep me accountable. One reason I know I won't go back to my old ways, is a fear of disappointing. Not the best motive, but hey I will take what I can get. I also know I will never go back to my old ways bc I never want to feel that bad again.

However, I do need to learn to cut myself some slack. Between apologizing for falling and ruining our run...(Yeah, I know! I did that multiple times) or apologize for having to walk for a few seconds, I need to realize it is perfectly OKAY to not be perfect at every second of the day. I am going to fall short and I can't act as if it is the end of the world. I KNOW I will brush myself off and get going again... so why do I put myself through those guilty feelings?

So I will end this with some of my favorite words... Ya gotta keep your head  up...

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Progress shoot w/ Sam

Hey! These are some of my favorite pics from the progress shoot w/ my fantastic photographer friend Sam. She is amazing! I love these photos and can't wait for the next one.

Check out her blog and see for yourself how talented this lady is.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Having Coffee...

I love the fact that there is a coffee shop right across the street from where I get my oil changed. I am happy I don't have to sit on the metal folding chair in the corner and that I can try this delish blueberry coffee! It also gives me time to write a new post on here... all in all it is a huge positive!

The last post was about the next 5k that I was attending. What a day that was! I finished the race in 36:23 and I didn't have to walk at all. I pushed and only had myself to motivate me. A friend (who ran the race as well) met me at the 3rd mile marker with his buddy and cheered me on. I was so happy to see them! I knew I could finish w/o having to walk. I made it to the first mile marker and prayed for the second. Once I did see the second, I knew... KNEW I was going to run the whole thing. It wasn't easy, but I did it and am very excited for my next milestone.

My lesson I had to learn from the last post: I am still going to be hard on myself when I don't keep pushing... but that keeps me pushing. I don't think that makes sense. If I do fail at reaching a goal, it just pushes me to make it next time. I am pretty sure my friend will yell at me if I keep apologizing every time I have to walk! (right Jamie?)

On to "weight" news: I am now...*drum roll* 196 lbs.! That makes it a total of 117 lbs. lost. I still am in a little shock and have not quite come to terms with being under 200 lbs. It is a strange feeling. Hold it! Strange but good. I am very happy about this, don't get me wrong. When you look and feel one way for so many years, it is hard when you change so much into a person you have never been before.

Forward I go with my journey. The holidays will be here soon and anxiety over food will happen. I feel a lot more in control than I was last year. This is my second pass thru the holidays with my new lifestyle... I got this.

Remember to keep your head up!

Friday, October 26, 2012

My next run and lessons to learn...

Tomorrow will be my second 5k race ever! It will be chilly and a challenge, but I am excited to go out there. It is for one of the local Police departments and is called "Run from the Cops"... fun!

I am not as nervous as I was for my first one. I think I am more sure of my abilities to finish than I was last time. I have thought of a major goal... to not have to walk. I know it is a stretch, but I am hoping I can push through. It is up in the air if I will be able to accomplish that or not. I just need to try not to be disappointed if it doesn't happen.

When my friend and I went on our weekly run on Wednesday, I kept apologizing for having to stop for a few seconds to catch my breath and get going again. I had to do it a few times, but it was never a very long break. Just enough to get me going again. I felt bad at the time. However, I need to realize I can't be perfect all the time! I can't always bust thru and do the best. Sometimes I am going to come up short and that is okay.

Lessons to learn yet...

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Shopping is finally fun!

Last week I went shopping for a whole new wardrobe! Expensive, but much needed for the fall and winter seasons. I am 3 sizes smaller than I was last year. My winter coat was a 3x and I remember that being tight on me before. The middle of winter last year I was swimming in it, so a new coat was a necessity this year.

I was super pumped because, not one piece of clothing I bought was plus size. I was able to shop and stick with the women's section w/o having to go up to the plus size. I have been able to do this before, but sometimes I had to still go up to the plus size. This time an ENTIRE wardrobe was plus size free, it was a nice feeling.

I remember  the times where I couldn't get clothes because they didn't have a bigger size. I couldn't find anything that would fit me or was embarrassed because I had to go the next size up. I remember the dismay when I had to get a size 24. I topped out at that, I wasn't sure where I would be able to get clothes if I was bigger than that. I certainly didn't have the money to order things online. All I can say is thank goodness I decided it was time for my journey.

So I got some new clothes and am ready for the seasons! (just not all the snow that is going to come with it!)

New things happening: I am running another 5k this coming weekend. It is called "Run from the cops" I am more confident going into this one than my first one! I have a few more planned out and even a 5 mile one on Thanksgiving. The biggest test will be the 1/2 marathon next May. My mom always told me I never did anything the easy way... :)

Keep your head up and keep the positivity flowing!

Monday, October 15, 2012

I know you have been waiting for this...

At least I have!

Finally! That is the word that best describes today. I have reached that next milestone on my journey... weighing under 200lbs. Official weigh in this morning... 199! (I can be excited over one lb.... it is my  journey lol)

Years. That is the word that best describes how long it has been. I honestly don't know when I weighed under 200 lbs. Maybe freshman year in HS? That puts things in perspective. All I can say is I am so happy that I am doing this now rather than later.


See the difference? Exactly 1  year apart.
I have heard this many times from friends and family... "I just wish you would have done this earlier." I understand what they are saying. However, I firmly believe now that you have to be ready. You can't just have someone tell you that you need to lose weight. You have to do it for you and not for anyone else. You have to be ready.

So once I lose a few more lbs. the realization that I am under 200 lbs. will hit me. I am just so relieved to see that number. As always, this milestone motivates me to move forward and get to that ultimate goal.

67 lbs. to go!

Monday, October 8, 2012

Well Hello Monday Weigh in...

So! No pouting today. I have lost 1 lb.! I will take it. I am exactly 200 lbs. today. This is my week. I WILL get under 200 lbs. and it is going to be fabulous. I have been looking forward to that day for so long. I cannot honestly tell you how long it has been since I have weighed under 200.

This past weekend I was at my parents. I was pawing through their coat closet to find something warm. I found my old winter coat from when I was in grade school... It is a large. I tried it on and... IT FIT! WOW! that puts things a little in perspective for me and how far I have come... and how out of control my weight was.

This is a new week and a  more positive attitude starting off!

Sunday, September 30, 2012

Falling down.

I have been doing this weight loss thing for awhile now... well over a year. I have had the worst week, since starting out, making food choices. It is like I have no control... again. Don't get me wrong, it is for sure not as bad as I used to be. However, the decisions I made this week are stalling my weight loss progress. Between the potluck on Friday and Oktoberfest yesterday... boredom eating today. I feel like I am out of control. I gained at least 3 lbs. (as of right now) and just feel like crap about it.

There are no tears over it (as of right now) but I am very frustrated with myself. I know better. I don't cut anything out of my diet, but I still don't need to have these "treats" so often. I need to get back on track on Monday and clean up the damage I did this past weekend.

Thinking on it, I must have gotten too "comfortable" again. "Oh I know what I am doing." No. It is a life long thing that I am going to have to stay on guard with.

Where is my inspiration and motivation this week...

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Still in a daze...

I am still on a high from last Saturday. Yes, I finally did my first 5k! It was a huge relief and overwhelming moment. I still can't believe I finished that thing!

On to the next round... I am going to keep up my running, until there is snow on the ground. Not a huge fan the cold and all that. I need to get back to the gym and hitting the weights. I love doing different things throughout the week. It keeps me interested and my body guessing. I had been so focused on the running, but need to remember to have a balance of fitness. ALSO! As a gift for my huge day on Saturday, my aunt and uncle gave me... wait for it... the INSANITY workout! oohhh boy, here we go! I am really excited to try it to see what I can do. I am really getting into this fitness thing and having fun with it.

I am still a few lbs. from being under 200 lbs. (2 to be exact!) It feels a little strange getting that close to such a huge goal. I can't explain the feelings I have had the past few weeks. It is exciting, but scary too. I honestly do not even remember being this size in my life (yeah that is how long I have been over weight!). I am not really sure why it is a tad overwhelming. Maybe for the fact that I am doing things I have never done before? Being in so many new situations and having this new confidence? It is all new to me, I never realized that I would be so overwhelmed by losing weight. I am ready to see how far I can go, but a little nervous too of what is to come.

Saturday, September 15, 2012

First 5k complete....

I have been sitting here today, after my friends all left, thinking about what this day really means to me. Completing my first  5k run is something that I NEVER thought I would be doing.

I was so nervous this morning, stomachache and all. I have ran this distance before, but nothing like what I tackled today. My aunt, uncle and sister came up to run and walk the race. I was so moved by them being here to support me and so proud of my sister for walking her first 5k! My friend Kayla was the first person to say she would run it with me no hesitation at all. My friend Nate ran the whole thing at my side and kept me going when I felt like I "needed" to walk, when really I just needed to keep going.
My friends Justin, Cindy, their little ones, Jamie, Erin and Beth all came out to cheer me on for my first 5k. All of them knew how big this was to me and came out to support me. I was so happy to see them at the finish line!
The support that I got from the people who ran, walked, came and msged me is the most wonderful thing in the world. I am truly blessed for having such awesome people in my life.

Of course I picked the toughest 5k races to do in our area. HILLS! lots and lots of hills. I didn't realize it when I signed up, but the more I heard about the "hills" the more nervous I got. I trained yes, but the only "hill" I ran over was the viaduct! I was not prepared for the hills that I conquered today, but I did it. My mom always told me I could never do anything the easy way.

I kept saying this today and I need to repeat it again... 2 years ago there is NO WAY i could have or even would have thought I would be running a 5k. I have come so far it is really overwhelming to think about the person I once was. I still have my personality (a great one at that!) and values, but I am such a different person than I was back then. I am more happy and living life. Having new experience and realizing who I really am. I also absolutely love to go clothes shopping now!

I think this new experience has just shown me that I can do whatever I put my  mind to. I am so not finished yet and cannot wait to see how far I can really go. Stay tuned for my next adventure!

Today is the BIG day...

Holy wow am I a nervous wreck. It is one thing to go running on my own and something completely different when you are attending a race. I am so scared I won't be able to finish, I will get sick... I will trip! I don't know. Not feeling the most confident this morning.

So many people are participating and cheering me on today. I still get teary eyed thinking about it. I am really about to do this today!

(Longer post later!)

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Today is your day....

I have been listening to this song and thought I would post my favorite lines. It is by Shania Twain and I absolutely love it as a motivating song. Today is your day to begin...

"Today is your day, everything is going your way."

"Today is you day, and nothing can stand your way."

"Brush yourself off, no regrets."

 "This is as good as it gets. "

"Don't expect more, only less."

"Just go out and give it your best."

So I ask you this... Is today your day? :)

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Still running... 1 week to go!

The morning running just didn't get me. It was way too early to be up and about, but was nice to be done for the day. I gave it a try and will do it again if I don't have the time after work. Since the weather was cooler tonight, I ran after work!

A good friend of mine told me that to prepare for a a race you should run longer than the race is going to be. He mentioned doing 4 miles or more... yikes! Not so much tonight, but longer than the 3.1 the race will be. I will call it good for now!

I was getting bored with only going to the gym once a week and doing running the rest. I need to find a happy medium. Still train, but still get my variety. Tuesday I did my dvd and Wednesday I got my fitness on at the gym. I loved it and even lost weight! Which is exciting bc the past few weeks has been losing and then gaining... frustrating as we all know.

The people at the gym I go to are AMAZING. It was 1 year ago that I started going to the gym for the first time in years. I had previously been made fun of and laughed at at another gym. I was so insecure and afraid the same thing would happen. However, the people I have met have been so supportive. They had nothing but encouragement for me and still do. Between the advice, tips and honest to goodness support, it is a great place to go after work. They have been cheering me on for this race and I hope I won't let them down!

Stay positive and keep on keeping on!

Stories from the gym:
 I also went to the gym last night with mismatched socks! That is how I roll I guess... unintentionally. ALSO! I have seen someone else lip syncing and dancing on the treadmill...yes! I am not the only one. If you can't have fun at the gym... where can you have fun?!

Monday, September 3, 2012

If you can't do it for the rest of your life...

you shouldn't be doing it now. That is my motto when making decisions that concern weight loss and my healthy lifestyle. I do not know how many times I have explained that. (I never get sick of it) I hope people understand that the changes I make, I plan on making into habits. Habits that will keep me healthy for a very long time.

I was recently asked "Are you allowed to eat that on your diet?" ouch! I know by talking about and being open about my healthier lifestyle, I invite major judgement in what I eat and drink when I am with others. I am not on a "diet" I am trying to live a healthier lifestyle. I am able to have whatever I like, it is my choice. When I choose to have something unhealthy... it is my problem. If I choose to have something heatlhier... that is my right. It has nothing to do with anyone else. So if that happens to you... try your best to brush it off. You know what you are doing. It is all about small changes (aka SMALL VICTORIES) and making choices. People are going to make comments, but in all honesty... the only opinion that matters? is your own. If you make poor decisions about food or workouts... accept it and move on. I know that is easier said than done. I have had MORE than a few freak outs and I am sure they will never truly go away.

New Photos...

I had a "progress" photo shoot with my good friend and photographer Sam. She is one of the most talented people I know and I had a blast taking the photos! (I changed my previous photo to one from Saturday.) I cannot believe how much I have changed from the person I was 2 years ago to the person who is in those photos. I see the confidence in that person's eyes... the confidence that wasn't quite there 2 years ago. I can't wait for everyone to see the rest of them and I can't wait to have my final pictures taken!

Check out her fb page! http://www.facebook.com/#!/SamanthaMaide

Fun Moment:

This past weekend I attended my family picnic. When I heard my uncle say "I didn't even know who that was...", I felt amazing. I am 50 lbs. lighter than I was last year at this time, which means I look a tish different. I am not sure if it sounds conceited or not, but I love getting that reaction!
It was a weekend filled with tasty food and not so healthy dishes, but again, it is about portion control.


Training for the race has been going pretty good. Last week I got up at 5:30 a.m. and 4:30 a.m. to run when it wasn't so hot. I am getting better with running more, but still have a way to go. It is supposed to rain this week so I am not sure how many times I will get out, but there is always the gym! I am getting more nervous as the day draws closer. My friend who motivated me to run a 5k this year e-mailed me the other day. He ran his first 5k 2 years ago... the other day he ran 20 miles... MILES! I am so proud of him and he is a major inspiration. He helps make me believe that I will actually be able to do this.

All I need to do is keep my head up...

Sunday, August 26, 2012

What did I sign up for??

The running... oh the running.
Last week I started using mapmyrun.com. I love that website. It is so easy to get your route mapped and be consistent with your running. I am unable to go to the track anymore w/ football practice starting after school. I liked the track bc I knew how far I had gone and all that. Now mapmyrun takes care of it.

I ran and timed my first 3 miles on Thursday this past week. I had actually gone out on Tuesday and ran, but ended up only doing 2.7 miles by mistake... oops!

I ran my first 3.11 miles in 43:13. I actually almost gave up, multiple times. I wasn't hydrated enough and about halfway threw I just was over it. I was so tired and thirsty... I just wanted to sit. I kept going though and pushed through. It sounds kind of cheesy, but the song "The Fighter" by Gym Class Heroes came on  my ipod when I was getting over the hill. I was fighting to finish and that song kept me going. So, I finished my first 3 miles and I was pumped! Sore, dehydrated and wanting to vomit... but I was excited!!

I took 2 days off after that. Friday I didn't workout at all. I needed a rest day. Saturday I got up and went for a nice walk on the trail by my new place. It was so relaxing going out at 8:30 a.m. while it is still cool and going for a walk.

That bring me to today. I went out and ran another 3.11 miles. I did a lot better in terms of running more often. However, I got to that hill again and AGAIN I said "I can't do this!". I started walking and then running for a few seconds and walking again. I knew I could do better. I got to a point where I chanted over and over in my head (and out loud a bit)... "What are you going to do when you see the finish line? Give up or push?"  so, I kept repeating..."Give up? or push?... I pushed. I finished it out in 42:34.  Better than my first time out and better than I thought I was going to do.

So the training continues. The race is September 15th. I hope I am going to be ready. At this point I am still nervous I won't be able to finish. I have so many people supporting me and I don't want to let anyone down.

Side note: Still obsessing over the scale!! So this week I am trying something new. (not really new, but I am going to stick with it). After the morning weigh in... the scale is getting put under the sink and staying there until Friday morning. I really don't feel I can handle a whole week w/o knowing what my weight is, so I will go for a few days. That is sad, but I am being honest. So! A few days without obsessing over the number will be good for me.

Anyone else have that problem of obsessing over the number???

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Watching and thinking...

Tonight is the last episode of the season for Extreme Makeover: Weight loss Edition. I never miss an episode and tonight is no different. I usually find something that I can relate to in the journeys that these people have. Wither it be the journey itself or the things they had to deal with when being overweight.

This episode the man on his journey is a very positive person!  The moment that stuck out with me so far (and motivated me to write this post) was when he was riding a bike and the seat broke. He was embarrassed and felt down. That is one of the biggest fears for an overweight person.

How I relate to it: When I was at my heaviest and even before then, I was always worried about not fitting in booths at restaurants, having a chair break while I was sitting in it... things like that. There were more than a few times that I was at a restaurant and wasn't sure I was going to fit in the booth.  After a certain point whenever I was asked if I wanted a booth or table, I made sure to answer right away with table. I even started to convince myself and  others I felt too "closed in" when sitting in a booth. The truth? I wasn't sure I was going to fit.  Then there was the embarrassment of my friends knowing I was having a hard time fitting and then trying to squeeze my way back out.
That is one thing I have never told anyone else.I wish that I would have been able to use those experiences to  make a lifestyle change.

I have held myself back from doing so many things because of my weight. I have a fear of trying them still because all I can think... am I still too heavy for this?

I can think of many times where I was embarrassed because I was too heavy or told people I "didn't want" to do something because of the fear I wouldn't be able to because of my weight. I am hoping soon I will feel comfortable enough and not have those anxieties.

They just showed the man on his journey swimming. That was his first time on the diving board since breaking it the last time. He looked so happy!

This episode really hit home with me. All I can say is I am glad I am finally on the right track. Who knows? Maybe a roller coaster or a water park is in my future?

Friday, August 17, 2012

Another first...

Throughout this journey I have had a lot of firsts... first time taking zumba class, first time in a hot air balloon (epic) and now I can add another first... First time running a mile w/o having to stop! I have NEVER done that before. I don't know what got into me. I just kept pushing... wondering how far I could go.
I am so pumped for this and it makes me want to get out there again to see what I can do. This just proves that hard work pays off and if you really want something you NEED to work for it.

Keep your head up and you will get there!

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Big New Adventure!

So here goes... A couple of weeks ago I officially signed up to run my first 5k... !

I know I posted on here before about being very inspired by the book "Born to Run". Ever since then I have felt the need to start running as part of my fitness. I never knew how awesome it would feel and what a stress reliever it was!

To date (as in today!) I can run 2.5 laps (over a half mile) without stopping and having to walk. I can run/walk my mile in 13:02 to date (as in today!) I know I am not that fast or even running the entire thing. The most important thing for me to remember is... I am trying.

I have been keeping up with "focusing on the fitness". I still have a tiny obsession with weighing myself every day. (No worries, Mondays are still my "official" weigh in day!) Tracking my time for the mile has been awesome and very good for me. Every time I get out there I want to beat my previous time. I accept the fact when I don't... but I go home smiling when I do!

Today I am only 7 lbs. away from weighing 199 lbs. Yeah that is right, under 200 lbs.! Every time I think about where I started, I get choked up. Recently when I think about running the 5k... I get choked up. I am scared I won't finish it... but excited over the possibility.

I will keep you updated on my training for the big day.Cheers to the future and surviving the 5k!

Blast from the past:

I think about the days when we would need to run the mile in school. I HATED that day with a passion. I was over weight, slow and was always the last one to finish. Even after all that I thought I could go out for volleyball. One memory I have from practice: We would run laps around the track in a line. The last person in line would sprint to the front... and then so on. I HATED that because I could never sprint to the front. I could never run a full lap, it was heartbreaking to me... but again not enough to push me to make a lifestyle change.

Monday, August 13, 2012

New Home: New Start

Well, it is the Monday after I moved. All I have to say is WOW, what a week!

I didn't go to the gym for a week. I was feeling so sluggish by the end. I still went on a walk at work and did a few things at home, but the gym is so much part of my life now... I miss it! (I NEVER thought I would be saying words like that!) I was still able to lose 1 lb. I will take it.

So it is a new week and a new beginning. I plan on getting back into my routine of gym, track, gym, track. I know I will feel better once I get a good workout in.

Of course I am even more motivated by watching EM: Weight loss Edition. It is a great thing that the show is on on Sundays. Every time I watch it I think: I can't wait to get to my goal weight. It refreshes my motivation for Monday and I am ready to go again.

Let's do this!

Friday, August 10, 2012

Thoughts at Midnight...

So while I was trying to go to sleep last night a thought hit me. I will be moving this weekend. It has been almost 2 years to the month that I moved into this place. The person I was moving in, is NOT the person that is moving out.

First... I have a couch now. I did spend 6 wonderful months (insert sarcasm when reading) having lawn chairs for furniture until I could afford the couch I wanted.

Second... I have my career going and got my CCS-P certification. I am more financially stable and less stressed over money.

Third... I weigh over 100 lbs. less than I did when I moved in here. I started my lifestyle change in this little apartment and grew into the person I am today.

I am more of a positive person, more of an out going person and am ready to see what the future holds for me now.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

My excuse...

This is moving week for me. I feel like I have 100 things to do and not much time to do it. I have chosen (yes chosen) to not go to the gym this week so I can get everything done. I am hoping for a walk here or there, but will not have my full workout.

I am not making excuses for myself and that is the reason why I say this is my choice and not listing a bunch of reasons why I "can't". I feel if I state it this way I am being truly honest with myself and not hiding behind a smoke screen.

SO! No gym, that means I need to focus on the other aspect of a healthier lifestyle: the food. I got a bunch of frozen Smart Ones for lunch and all that. Not the best choice, but my kitchen is all packed up! I at first was just going to grab a sandwich here and there, however I feel that it would be a set back if I eat out all week. I feel solid in my decisions and will hopefully keep on track this week.

I am so happy to move! It is an upgrade from the decent apartment that I have at the moment... and it has way more room!

Positive things are happening this week.

Have you ever heard yourself talking about why you "can't" do something and then later realize you could have made it work? (many times in my book!)

Monday, July 30, 2012

Most Amazing...

I start this week with a little pep in my step. Last week I had been in a funk that I couldn't seem to get myself out of. Little did I know, I just needed a night out of town with some of my favorite people.

My best friend from HS is getting married next year. I was asked to be one of the bridesmaids! We went dress shopping on Saturday to try on the dress she picked out for us and kind of have a bonding weekend with the other girls. It couldn't have been anymore fun than it was! (The dresses are amazing and I am sure you will see lots of pictures later!)

Back Story: I was in 2 weddings previously. Both friends from HS and it was a fantastic time being in both. The only part for me that had a raincloud was when we were getting fitted for dresses. I always got nervous and hated seeing the size that I had to wear. I could never try the dress on because the bridal boutique never had a size big enough either. So basically, I just hoped in looked good on my body type.

The most embarrassing moment was where...*deep breath* I had to order extra fabric bc the dress didn't fit right... and she added it into the dress. I had ordered the biggest dress they had. I was mortified and couldn't believe this. (No, this wasn't my "life changing moment" should have been though right?)

So on to the present: We went to the bridal boutique and were measured for the dresses. The difference in numbers from the last time made me do a little jig in my head. I did get a little anxiety over trying the dress on, but I think it was just an "after shock" from times before.

The lady handed me the dress and pointed me into the dressing room. I tried the dress on and .... it was too big! I actually had to go down 2 sizes from the one she gave me. I know the dresses run with different sizes, but my last bridesmaid dress was a 26! and I was wearing an 18! My cousin came in to help me zip up and I whispered to her... "I am going to cry." She asked me why. I answered with... "I have never been able to actually try a dress on in the boutique, they have never had my size. Today I am wearing an 18!"

It was a moment I am pretty sure I won't forget. It is small things like that that make me realize where I am at today. I didn't order the dress because it is still a year before the wedding. I hope I will be dropping a few more sizes before then.

Celebrate your small victories!

P.S. I have officially dropped into a size 14!

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Feeling down and out.

I do not know why, but I have been feeling in a funky mood all week. I am not happy and it doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

I went out to eat last night and had a great time with my old roomy. We chatted and had a glass or two...okay three of wine. :) I got home and all I could worry about was how that meal affected my weight for the next morning.

Now the dinner wasn't even that bad! That is why I do not understand why I am being an emotional drama queen over it.

Veggie sandwich on rye
1 cup of cream of broccoli soup
1 pickle
side salad with raspberry vinaigrette
2 baby carrots
4 little pieces of garlic toast (think of 2 sides of a bun for all)

Honestly the meal could have been a lot worse... but it wasn't. So I don't understand why I am feeling so down. Maybe it is the stress of the week with over time and all that? Maybe the fail conversation with a guy that I am interested in? (that could definitely be it!)

I don't know, but I am over it!

Do you ever get in a mood and not know why? How do you bring yourself out of your funk?

Sunday, July 22, 2012

It's okay... no tears this year

My 2nd annual Christmas party was last night. We had blast singing Christmas carols, eating Christmas cookies and getting cozy by the "fireplace". It was pretty epic if I do say so myself.

After last year's Christmas party I had a little bit of a melt down. I had gained 3 lbs. over the weekend. I bawled my eyes out and then proceeded to walk 3 miles on the track that day. I started this weekend with... whatever happens, happens. I had "healthier" food this time and I was more aware of what I was eating, but I let myself have fun and not stress.

I woke up this morning feeling good and not stressed. I weighed myself and of course I gained. Am I happy? no. Am I going to cry about it? no. I accept it and move on. It is something that I have told myself time and time again. I have finally gotten it. I may not be perfect all the time and may still have my melts downs but, I know it won't last.

I am here to fight and am going to come out a winner.

Monday, July 16, 2012

I made it back a little lighter!

Well it was a fun filled weekend at my parents again. This time it was my mom's birthday. Last time I was home (for my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary) I had gained the weight I had lost that week. I never know how it is going to end up. I go to my parents with the best intentions, but sometimes slip up more than usual.

This visit I ended up still losing that 1 lb. that I did during the week. 1 lb. is 1 lb. I will take it! Celebrate all loses, doesn't matter if it is 1 lb. or 5 lbs., you are sill moving in the right direction.

I am 1 lb. closer to being under 200! It is a concept that I never thought would happen again.

Is there a time when you always have the best intentions to stay on track, but still stray a little bit?

*It is alright if you get of track for a moment. Just remember to get back on track the very next meal or next day. Do not wait until "next week" or "will start on Monday". That only hurts you and gives you more time to take even more steps backwards.*

Monday, July 9, 2012

Monday check in...

So the scale said a different number today... after gaining one pound last week, I was ready to see a different number on that scale. The number that I am very pleased to see? 211 lbs.

What that number means to me:

1. I only have 80 lbs. to go until I reach my ultimate goal.
2. I am only 12 lbs. away from being under 200 lbs. for the first time in more than 10 years or so.
3. The biggest thing of all... I can do this.

I am focusing on the fitness more but, I can't seem to help riding that emotional roller coaster over the numbers. I love seeing that number on the scale drop. I am devastated when it goes higher and a tad frustrated when it stays the same. Kind of a love hate relationship.

Today... I love the scale. :)

What part of a healthy lifestyle do you have a "love hate" relationship with?

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Funny work out moment...

Just thought I would share my laugh out loud moment while working out tonight. Maybe it will put a smile on your face!

I was doing The Work Out by Chris Powell. We were at the point in the work out where we do jumping jacks. (I say "We" but really it is me and my dvd haha) I was mid jump when... my shorts were all of a sudden mid-thigh! My shorts had slid down while working out. I didn't tie my shorts tight enough obviously!

Thank goodness I was doing this work out at home and  not at the gym... how embarrassing that would have been for me!

Take these moments as they come. You will have a darn good story to tell people later when they ask about your journey! (Just make sure this doesn't happen in the gym or at the track!)

Monday, July 2, 2012

Something to think about...


"What would you do right now if you knew that everything today would
turn out perfectly? What project would you start, what person would
you talk to, what problem would you tackle if you could be assured of
Is there anything you're putting off because you're afraid of
failure? Is there anyone you're avoiding because you're afraid of
what they would say or think?
There is no guarantee of success. But there is a guarantee that if
you never go for it, you'll never have it. And even in the failed
attempts, you'll learn and grow. There is no guarantee that other
people will think highly of all you say and do. But that's their
Do you believe in the worth of your own pursuits? If so, then what
could possibly prevent you from following them? If you're looking for
a sure thing, then here's one -- everything you achieve will come
only from the things you attempt. In order to succeed, you must
proceed. Today is a great day to start."- Unknown

Keep your head up and proceed!

Monday, June 25, 2012

Happy Dance...

The Monday weigh has left me... excited! I didn't see that dreaded number on the scale. In fact I lost 3 lbs. last week...! after gaining and losing the same weight for almost over a month, I feel super pumped!

This weekend I also went on a "shopping spree". I put quotations around that because my shopping spree consists of clearance racks and Good Will. There is no point in spending tons of money on clothes that will be too big in a few months. I got a lot of great deals on dress pants in a size... wait for it... 14!!! (I am not officially in that size, but I can get them on and zipped. They are just too tight to wear in public yet.) I decided to get prepared for my drop into the 14s. Buying business casual clothes has been the most difficult. I have to have a good variety to wear to work. I have been pretty lucky so far though!

I haven't been a size 14 since probably 8th grade. I remember one summer where I was losing weight (I was at the swimming pool everyday) and being so excited to fit back into a size 14. Wow, in 8th grade I was this size. Puts a lot of things into perspective and makes me realize how out of control I was.

I know a lot of people blame parents for their child's obesity problem. I can't and no one should blame my parents. They tried everything with us kids, even going as far as duct taping the refrigerator. (yeah I am embarrassed to admit that, but need to be honest) We just got the unhealthy treats from some place else and secretly eat it. I was embarrassed every time I went shopping with my mom bc I knew it wasn't right that I was a freshman in HS and had to shop in the plus size section. I remember being so excited when we discovered DEBS. It was the first time that I was able to wear clothes that were for my age, just an adult size.

Memory: Shopping with my mom and hearing her say..."I wish you guys could fit in those clothes. (points to the "regular" section of the store) It would make life so much easier..."
I remember on that day vowing to fit in those clothes. However, it would be years before I was able to.

Good thought: I now can fit in the "regular" section of the store. I went shopping with my mom and sister and we had so much fun shopping on both sides of the store. I even fit into an xl dress and almost started bawling in the dressing room. At that moment my mom said how proud she was of me. She has been one of my supporters with this and has said continuously how much I have motivated her and my dad. It is a good feeling.

I have lived up to my vow. I have a ways to go, but I am damn proud to be here right now.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Focus on the Fitness...

My new motto at this stage of the journey is Focus on the Fitness. I keep repeating these words when I get frustrated with the number on the scale.

This week I was stuck again on THAT number... that dreaded number that I HATE seeing on the scale these days. At this point in time I do not care if I only lose one pound next week. I do NOT want to see that number again.
End of rant...   :D

I had some pretty great work outs this week and have switched things up a bit. I did go to the track on Tuesday, even though it was well into the 90's outside, it was worth it. I wogged my mile in 14 minutes and 6 seconds. (ow! ow!) I felt great afterwards and got to come home to a nice cool apartment. (I left the a/c on for the day as a special treat)

It hasn't been all about the work outs this week, I needed to "focus on the food" as well. My small victory of the day yesterday was setting aside my mini can of diet soda. I decided I didn't need it in the afternoon and drank more water to get prepared for the heat outside. I know there are no calories in a diet soda, but as I focused on the fitness, I realized the water was more important.

This week for breakfast I have been  having my normal coffee and switching between toast and peanut butter and egg sandwiches. I have also been eating low calorie lasagna that I had made weeks ago and froze for future lunches. Dinner has been Texas caviar (salsa) with different items from potatoes to tortilla chips. Lots of  fruit and popcorn involved here as well for snacks. I am doing the best I can with what I have in the house. I wasn't able to get groceries last week, so not a whole lot of fresh food around here.

So all in all I am trying not to focus so much on the weight but to focus on my lifestyle.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

On the other hand...

I have still been struggling with the number on the scale. I lose and gain the same weight every week it seems. I am getting really frustrated with it and am not sure what to do about it.

On the other hand...

On a whim today, I decided to try my size 14 jeans on. I purchased these a month ago to get "prepared" to drop another size. I am happy to report that I can get them on and zipped (!!!).

Looking at both sides, I should be very happy that I am obviously still losing inches. I know I talk about this in every other post but: I need to NOT focus on the number on the scale so much. It is really hard not too, but I need to try harder.

Side note: I went to the High School track today for the first time this season. I wanted to see how long it took me to do a mile. At the end of last summer, I was doing about an 18 minute mile (jogging off and on) and was so happy with that. This year I did my mile in 14:11 minutes! I can even run a little over half the track without stopping. I don't ever remember a time that I could do that!

So as usually I am feeling a roller coaster of emotions. Down because of the scale and up because of the pants. If anyone ever says that a weight loss journey is only physical and not about emotions... they lie.

Keep your head up!

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Looking back into the past...

I was looking at pictures from a few years ago. I have just been in a weird mood and getting frustrated with my progress lately. Looking at these pictures really put it into perspective of how far I have come. I look back at this person that I was and it is like looking at a stranger  now.

This is me a few years ago...

                                                                                                                   This is me a month ago...

Looking at these pictures side by side is  very emotional.
I still do not see myself as the person on the right, but I hope one day I will. I still imagine myself at my heaviest and still have those insecurities at time. However, I do understand that those memories will help me keep things in line. I NEVER want to look like that again.

Side note:

I have been getting a lot of inspiration lately from the book "I Got This" by Jennifer Hudson. When I finish a chapter I sit back and really think about the message. She is one confident lady and is a person that understands how hard it is to make better lifestyle choices. She inspired her family and friends and countless of other people. I get so much out of her book and would recommend the book to anyone who is going through their own weight loss journey. You do not need to be doing Weight Watchers to get the message. I personally am not on Weight Watchers and have really enjoyed reading about her experience.

Here is to a new week and new successes!

Monday, June 4, 2012

Just another Monday... weigh in

Finally Finally Finally!!! (did I mention finally? yes? well alright then) I am over my slump of weight loss. 3 lbs. down from last week and feel fabulous!

2 differences in last weeks fitness: Ran 4 blocks in a row w/o stopping
                                                                Walked my rent check over to the offices on Saturday.
You are probably thinking... that can't seriously make a difference. However, the 4 blocks is something I have never done before. I felt fantastic the rest of my wog and was ready to go. It proves how much better I am getting w/ my fitness. The walking the rent check to the office is a change in routine. It isn't too far away and I would always drive it over. Saturday was a beautiful day and I decided I needed to walk it over there.

 Small changes make a world of difference sometimes. Wither you take the stairs or park a little farther way from the store, it burns extra calories and gets you moving. Especially on days there isn't a lot of time to do a full work out. Anyone can have a small victory day!

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

SMILE... you are on the elliptical...

It felt so good to get back to the gym. I haven't stepped foot in it since last Wednesday. I was visiting my family during a 4 day weekend. I didn't do a whole lot of exercising, but we were running around a lot.

I am still stuck at my weight and haven't really stuck to the "only weigh in once a week" deal that I made myself. Yeah, I am calling myself out on that one. I have asked some advice from a few friends on the best way to start running and how to keep it going. I have been doing really well and am up to 3 blocks strait without stopping. I am really hoping this will start my weight loss again.

Fun story from the gym: I was on the elliptical tonight, i-pod plugged in and just a going. One of my favorite songs came up and pushed me to go faster. I was smiling and lip sinking to the words. (yeah I am one of "those people" at the gym). The woman next to me looks at me and just shakes her head and starts to laugh.

Hey, if you can't have fun while you are working out... what is the point?!

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Frustration has set in...

My weight hasn't changed in a while. I can't seem to get past a certain point no matter how many times I weigh myself.

I have started "wogging" more often and staying consistent at the gym. I am eating lighter meals at night and trying not to over indulge on the weekend. I don't know what I am doing wrong, but it is putting a damper on my journey.

After talking it over with many friends and reading the book "Born to Run" (fantastic book I recommend it!) I realize that I  need to focus on the fitness part of my journey more instead of the weight. Right now I do all my goals by weight, but friends have suggested maybe doing by physical ability. How far can I jog at one time? How much faster can I do my route? How heavy of weights?

Maybe tracking my progress that way and focusing on that for awhile will help the weight part of it. I am just getting discouraged. Every time I think I have gotten over the plateau, the next 4 weeks I am stuck.

New experiment: Only weighing myself 2 times in one week. Right now I weigh my self at least 6 times (yeah I know :S) However, my "official weight" is always on Monday. When I weigh myself in the morning and at night, it is just to make sure I am still on track. However, I am getting disappointed in the morning lately bc it is the same weight all the time. Maybe taking a step back from that will be good for me.

We shall see!

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Tell Everyone!

I had a conversation recently about my "chattiness"  with my weight loss journey. I was and still am a tad concerned that I will or have gotten annoying with talking about my healthier lifestyle. I read early on that it was good to let your friends and family know what you are doing because it keeps you accountable. So I did and I have.

The conversation started by the person telling me that they were not as "umm chatty" as I am about my weight loss. I felt a little offended, which is silly because I know I AM chatty about it. However, the way they said it didn't make it feel like a compliment.

So the question is: Is it better to go on your journey alone and with no support? Or is it better to tell everyone and get the support that you may need on your way to a healthier lifestyle.

After thinking this through, I have come to a conclusion. It is all up to how you want to deal with your journey. I should not be offended if people say I talk about my loss too much or I become chatty about living healthier. It is something I am passionate about, so I am going to talk about it.

 In saying that, I respect others decisions to keep it to themselves. In my opinion I think talking about it and getting that support is part of the journey. I also like to think by talking about it and being vocal you may inspire someone else to change their lifestyle.

If I could inspire and motivate just one person to start their own journey... it would be worth annoying a few people by being too chatty about my weight loss!

What are your thoughts on being vocal about your weight loss journey?

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Just celebrated my 100 lb. loss with a hot air balloon ride. It was one of the most amazing experiences ever! I wanted a "big to do" for my "big loss"... I got it.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Super yummy muffins! (low calorie)

1 box of cake mix (doesn't matter what kind)
1 can of pumpkinL 15 oz

Mini muffin pan (or regular muffin pan or you can make this into cake too!)

Mix pumpkin and cake mix together.
Fill cups with table spoon of batter
Bake at 325 degrees for 20 min. or until done.

Enjoy! Only 60 calories a piece.

I just made the spice cake and devils food chocolate cake. They are amazing!

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Eye Opener

This past week I have been in a super funk. I gained 2 lbs. last week and have been stuck the past few weeks before that. I feel as if I hit a "plateau" more often then not. So I did what many articles have said and looked back at how I have been living.

The realization: I have become more lax in my food portions and have not been keeping track of calories as diligently as I had before. I was eating healthier things, it is just that my portions were slowly getting bigger. I thought it would be a "no brain er" for me to keep the portion sizes small and make the healthier choices. However, when I stop thinking about what I am doing, I obviously slowly start going back to the larger portions.

The good thing is, I realized this now. I need to get back to my basics and remember what I am doing this for. I am still a ways away from my ultimate goal and I can't forget for a moment why I am doing this.

Recent Small Victory: I was having a horrible day last week and just wanted the day to be over. I stopped at the store to pick up a few groceries. Now, I was (and still have the urge to be) an emotional eater. Usually when I was having a bad day I would drown my feelings in a bag of chips and frozen pizza. It always made me "feel better". However, I made one of the best decisions that night. Instead of getting chips or a pizza I got... a bag of brussel sprouts! You are probably thinking "What the hell?".

 I wandered around the store and saw those and instantly knew they would make me feel better. Better than if I were to mow down on something junkie. I steamed my sprouts and settled in for the night.

I think I have gotten to a point where if I am in a mood, I am able to choose to have healthier food. If I would have had ice cream (or something else as tasty and bad) I would have felt 20 times worse. When I make decisions like this it makes me realize how far I have come. Emotional eating is something I will have to deal with, but at least I know I can make the right decisions for myself.

Cheers to a small victory!

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Interesting... From Pinterest!

Pinned Image
Having the information laid out like this is very interesting. Just think that changing your life style can help you live a longer fuller life... that is what everyone wants I think.


Tuesday, May 1, 2012

No surprise

Well, my Monday weigh in came and went. I gained 2 lbs. over the past week. It actually isn't as bad as I thought it would be.

I got back into the gym last night and rocked it. When I slip like this, it kicks me in the ass to up my intensity. Yeah, I bitch and complain of how upset I am over it (which is legit), but I know what I need to do. I am never down and out for a significant amount of time. That comforts me bc of the trial of reaching the goal weight and then keeping it off will be less difficult.

I was getting out of control for a bit... but I am back!

When you make a mistake... accept it and move on. DO NOT WAIT UNTIL MONDAY to start again. Why wait?

Friday, April 27, 2012

Own worst enemy...

I feel disgusting today.
 I went out last night to the Worlds Largest Office Party. I had a great time with my friends. I had enough to drink where I was feeling good and I was relaxed. Unfortunately when I "relax" I let all my cares go and am not very careful about what I eat. I always use those as a "small victory" if I can make it home and in bed before I mow down on food. I didn't make it last night.

My down fall was not having dinner before going out. I tried to eat healthy snacks mid afternoon so I wouldn't be tempted by the unhealthy food I was surrounded with. I made it til about 10:00 before I had to eat something. I grabbed a burger at one of the stands and only had ketchup on it. I was happy with my decision.

Bad decision: Stopping at a fast food place on the way home. I bought tacos from Taco Bell and went home and stuffed my face. I am my own worst enemy on my journey. I know it is a small slip up, but it is so discouraging. When I think I am on a good run and have finally learned, I do something like this.

There was not tears this time. (Yes I did cry when I had my first serving of french fries after starting my journey) I have said this many times but, it is a very emotional journey. I hate having slip ups like this but I do what I have learned... Accept it and move on. There is no "starting over on Monday". I made the mistake, I don't want to dig myself a deeper hole.

*Sigh* Still a good distance from my ultimate goal... it will just take me a little longer.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Drivers license...

A funny thought came to me at the gym. I finally weigh less than what my drivers license says! You are probably wondering "why does this matter". It is a symbol to me. When I was 16 I dreaded putting that "number" on my divers license. I was so paranoid about others knowing my weight, I stressed over this.

When I re-newed my license I finally accepted that I needed to put myself over 200 lbs. but I stuck with a lower number. (wishful thinking) I am now lower than the weight on the little plastic card... I love it!

Looking back: I used to make myself almost sick worrying about what the Dr. or school nurse would say about my weight. I hated being weighed. I didn't want to know how out of control I was. Now I can't be more willing (maybe a little obsessed) to know and share my number. It is a measurement of how far i have come and how much I have grown.

Side note: Still stuck at my 92 lbs. I am so close to the 100 lb. loss that I am getting frustrated earlier than normal. All I can do is keep my head up.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

On a budget...

Throughout this whole experience I have read probably hundreds of articles on weight loss and other views on the subject. One that was interesting was an article on buying healthier foods on a budget. It was an interesting article and can be found on Yahoo Shine.

After reading the article (most of the points were things I had read previously) I went down to the comments. I read comment after comment of how eating healthier is expensive and can't be done. I know organic foods are a little more expensive and the "diet foods" can be too. What about just real food?

When I started making different choices, I was broke. I had a $30 a week budget for groceries and that was breakfast lunch and dinner. I kept to that budget and found it surprisingly easy. When I was buying frozen pizza, chips... I would eat the entire package or most of it in one sitting. I find that those sorts of foods are just as expensive if not more. I had no portion control and would not make several meals out of it. A bag of chips can be up to $4 a bag... bag of carrots? $2.

Do the research and you can find that eating healthier isn't all that expensive. Compare prices, nutritional facts and servings. You might be pleasantly surprised.

 It can be done if one wants to do it.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Still the emotional eater...

I got some bad news yesterday that rocked my world.

After getting the phone call from my mom, I instantly went into "getting prepared" mode. One of the things I needed to do was get groceries. Easy task you would think right? Not for an emotional eater.

I was upset and trying to get my mind to stop running. I was at the store and saw the frozen pizza section. All I could think is; That will make me feel better. I knew ultimately it would make me feel worse, but you see, I was an extreme emotional eater before. Happy, sad, mad, hell any emotion at all I could think of to justify eating fast food or a bag of chips, I used it.

I walked by the section with frozen pizza. I walked by the chocolate section... 3 times. I even wandered down the chip aile... I left the store with... my  normal groceries. I didn't give in to that emotional urge to gorge myself until my emotions were settled. I got the groceries I needed (okay I added the skinny cow ice cream sandwhichs) and got the hell out of there.

I think not giving in to the temtations and the urges actually made me feel better. It is one of the "small victories" I always talk about. I made it thru that moment in my life. I know there will be hundreds of other "moments" but hey, celebrate the small victories when they come.

Monday weigh in: 221

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Post from the Past

While working out tonight, I ran into one of the "regulars" at the gym. Chatting with him got me thinking of the first time he spoke with me at the gym. I posted about it in my previous blog but thought I would post it on here to share.

While I was at the gym tonight a man came up tome after my workout. He told me what an awesome job I am doing with my fitness and continued to tell me it was great to see how hard I was working.
We started chatting and I brought up the fact that I used to have an anxiety towards the gym. I had been made fun of at the gym years ago and it was a horrible experience. After I told him about my anxiety he shook his head and said… “If that ever happens, you tell me. Show me who the person is and I will take care of it.”
I thanked him for the compliments and the support and went on my way. Once I got to me car, I was overwhelmed with emotions. I think of the person I was when I first tried to go to the gym. How embarrassed and hurt I was to have people make fun of me for trying to change my life. That time in my life I wasn’t ready to make my life change because I let that stop me. I actually didn’t start going to the gym until the end of last summer. I wanted to lose 50 lbs. before I started going. That feeling hadn’t completely left me…then. Now I am confident when I walk into the gym. I say hi to the people I know and don’t shy away from doing a work out because people are in the gym.
Looking back at the person I was and the person I am today, the difference is shocking. I still have a ways to go, but with the endless support that I have from friends, family and strangers… I will make it.

After reading this post again, it makes me smile. I have made it so far and have a great support system. I still have a ways to go but as I said; I will make it.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Different opinions...

I was having a conversation with a friend the other day. She found an article that had Myths and Facts about weight loss. One of the "Myths" was that when you skip a meal your metabolism slows down.

Now under the "myth" it stated that if you skip one meal it will not slow your metabolism. When I continued reading, the article then stated that a study proved that it would take "weeks" of skipping meals or an extremely low calorie diets to slow down your metabolism.

After reading the article my thought was... duh. If you just do it once or twice it won't do anything. However, if go on an extremely low calorie diet it WILL slow you metabolism. I am not understand what the article was calling a "myth" when they clearly stated it was a fact. Maybe the line of "...skip a meal..." compared to "...going weeks..." was the difference between fact and myth?

The reason why she showed it to me was that I always say not to skip meals because it messes with your metabolism and makes it harder to lose weight. When I was in highschool and in my early years of college, I skipped meals all the time. I thought it was the thing to do to lose weight. I went years with out eating breakfast and months without eating lunch along with it. The only thing it did was make me super hungry and binge eat the next time I had a meal. It wasn't a healthy way to live. I swear that starting to eat breakfast was an important part of my life change.

Any thoughts on this?

Monday, April 9, 2012

Shocking Monday results

I did my normal weigh in today. I waited until I got back to La Crosse from my parents house. The Easter weekend was busy but fantastic. I had a great time with my family.

There was so much food going on this weekend. Most of it was normal meals and even healthier choices. Sunday was the big Easter Feast! I had a lot to eat, not to the point of feeling over stuffed, but enough. I was a little worried about today's weigh in with all the goodies I eat.

Official weigh in: 223
Total weight loss: 90 lbs!!!!!!

I finally broke through that plateau! I didn't do a whole lot of exercising this weekend, but we were busy getting the house ready. I am so happy and excited for this day. 10 more lbs. and I will reach a 100 lb. loss.

Here is to a new week!

Funny side story: My parents live in the country so their dogs are never on a leash unless they go to the vet or get a hair cut. I tried taking the youngest dog out for a wog with me. Zoey didn't quite understand: 1. why she was on a leash and 2. how to jog. I walked first and she was alright, but when I started jogging she was looking around and sniffing everything! haha it was an experience to say the least. :)

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Fun Conversation:

Me: I want to be in shape enough that when I am walking with a tall person, I won't be huffing and puffing to keep up with them. I want to walk fast!

My Friend: Yeah someone will ask you "Why are you walking so fast?" and you can say "This is a fast world and I am tiny".

Back History: I am only 5'1" and it is hard sometimes to keep up with people who are tall and walk fast!

Monday, April 2, 2012

Monday weigh in

One of the habits I picked up through my journey was to have a weigh in day. When I started the Biggest Loser contest at work, Monday was when we weighed in. The contest ended August 2010, but I kept with the habit of having an official weigh in day.

Whatever I weigh on Monday is what my weight is through out the week. I still weigh myself everyday, but it would be a huge emotional roller coaster (or a bigger one anyways) if I went day by day.

I have also kept up the spreadsheet that I started during the contest. It has my weekly weight from the past year or so. It is interesting to see the ups and downs that I have had. It even calculates how far I have to go to reach my goal as well. (Yes I can be extremely organized at times)

Unfortunately this mornings weigh in was not what I expected. I have hit the dreaded plateau. My weight loss had been consistent the past weeks, so I knew it was bound to happen. It is frustrating to hit these spots and not know what to do to get past it. A tip that I read was to change up your routine. If you are doing the same thing day in and day out your body gets used to it. So make a small change; try a new class or change up the equipment that you use for your work out. Even a change in your meals could help kick start the weight loss again.

Looks like I will be changing my routine once again.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Small Victory: Wogging

A few weeks ago I started "wogging". Wogging is what I call my walking/jogging attempt. I can't really call it jogging for the fact that I don't run 100% of the time. However, I do still want credit for the jogging effort I put towards my outing... so I wog.

Last year at the end of summer I tried jogging. I was still above 250 lbs. so it was a hard trial. Once I wasn't able to go to the track anymore, I stopped. I am now down to 226 and am hoping that starting to run will help increase my endurance and weight loss. Right now I am just walking for a minute and jogging for a minute in a half. (I started at 2 min. and 1 min.)

I can tell there is a difference every week that I go out. Today I ran 2 1/2 blocks without stopping (yeah I know that doesn't seem much). When I started I was lucky to jog one block.

That is my small victory for the day. I am going just a little bit farther than I did the last time I went out.

Here is to a new week!

Saturday, March 31, 2012

January 2010 is when I made my first step towards a healthier lifestyle. I participated in the Biometric screening through work. I figured the best way to get started was to see what I was working with health wise. The screening wasn't horrible as I had thought, but scared me enough to make that next step in getting healthy.

 In February 2010 I started a contest at work. A version of the Biggest Loser. I took the contest as a sign that this was my time to be serious about my health. It was really hard at first cutting out the junk and getting my exercise on, but I did it. I realized I had so many emotional reasons why I over eat and not many reasons of why I didn’t work out. It is now 14 months from the start of that contest and I have lost 86 lbs. I have kept up with the calorie counting and making better choices on what food to eat. It is still a struggle to make those choices but every time I over come the urge to over eat, I feel 100 times better. I call those my small victories.

I have kept a blog since July 2010 and a weight loss diary before that. I decided to change sites for my blog. It has helped me work through my journey and hopefully  has helped others with theirs.

New Blog, New Chapter