Thursday, December 19, 2013

Running In Place.

I am not going lie, I have been pretty stuck the past couple of months and have felt bad for not having anything exciting to report. I am the same weight and doing the same workouts. I have gotten myself in such a rut, I am not sure how to get myself out of this one.

The last couple of weeks I have done really well with my workouts and eating. Then the weekends come and I ruin everything that happened during the week. I gain the weight I just lost and feel like crap. Then Monday comes around and I set back on my path... to then ruin again on the weekend. It is a viscous cycle that I am getting tired of.

The holidays usually are a pretty happy time for me. I love being with my family and always enjoy some Christmas cheer. However, at this point in time, I am just worried about gaining weight. I haven't been losing like I had been in a long time and all the holiday temptation isn't going to be good.

All in all, I am in a funk and I am unsure how to go about getting out of it.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

It Has Been A Few Days (or weeks!)

I kind of dropped off the face of the earth there for a bit. No real excuse besides the fact I haven't felt too motivated as of late and also a small issue of a hacker. No biggie... I am back!

Biggest thing that has happened in the past few weeks has been the training and then completing the 10 mile Monster Dash in St. Paul. It was the biggest run I have ever done (over 16,00 people) and it was (wait for it...) AMAZING. I finished in 2 hours and 10 minutes, which was 5 minutes faster than I had anticipated. It just felt good. Plain and simple.
My aunt was there supporting me 100%. I didn't have anyone else at the run, but felt the support from miles away!

Fun side note: I did not get sick! :)

Another factor of this run: It was the 3rd one I did in 3 weeks!!! :) I have had a blast running 5k and 5 mile runs with my friends. It is such a great way for us to get together and have fun running... and a chance to go out for breakfast!

A little motivation I created recently:

What do you think??! It turned out pretty great and I can't wait to fill those squares up. Every number has the date and time. It is something I can look at with pride and be inspired to add another one.

So there it is. Those are pretty much the biggest adventures I have had in the past weeks.

Update on total weight loss goal: Still no lbs. lost, which is frustrating to be so close, yet so far away. I am back more so at the gym, but still keeping my running up. I am exercising and eating right. Still not sure what I am doing wrong at this point.

On a positive note, I fit even better into my size 10's. I have to take what I can at this point. New scale or not, those numbers are just not what I want. Especially with the holidays coming. I am so ready to be at the finally goal and get on with the new adventures... but it is a process I need to take it stride unfortunately.

Here is to another week and hopefully more blogging!

Sunday, October 6, 2013

May My Scale R.I.P.

So it has finally happened. THE scale has died. The scale that  I have looked at almost every day for 2.5 years... is gone. I am making myself wait until this weekend to buy a new one.

SO! That means this girl is going almost a week without weighing herself. I know I have tried before and only lasted a few days. I am nervous and I obviously have some control issues over this. I have this "need to know" when it comes to my weight. After having a weekend of indulgence, I feel it is the worst week to test my ability to stay off the scale.

Well... here is to my next adventure I guess.

Monday, September 30, 2013

Big Thoughts on the Wog...

Haven't heard the word "wog" in a while have you?!

I have had an upper respiratory infection for a about a week. I got it right after the big Applefest 5k run on the Saturday before. Thank goodness it was AFTER!

The run was amazing. As you knew it would be of course. When have I not expressed how "amazing" my big runs are? I had a bunch of friends run and a bunch walk their first 5k. So happy to get everyone together for a fun fitness time! The whole time I kept thinking of the year before... the things I said, where I ran and the sign Nate wanted me to run to! It was an awesome experience. 1 year later and I shaved about 2 1/2 minutes off of my original time. (Forgot home many hills there were!)

So here we are, getting over a uri and having to run a 10 mile run in 3 weeks. Not the best time to be down and out. I am starting back up with things and that was with a wog tonight. It seems that I have learned a thing or two. It is okay to walk and start off slow again. I wasn't upset that I walked most, but I can tell you I was damn happy when I was running. I did a little over 4.5 miles in over an hour.

I know more than a few people who would be shocked I wasn't upset. I have always been pretty hard and whined a little when I couldn't do what I expected of myself. I am not going to get anywhere though if I push too hard before I am 100%... slowly learning.

While out and about tonight I thought about the "goal" that I set for myself. The goal of losing the rest of this weight by the end of the year. Goals are great and everything, but sometimes they can be a little unreal or put way too much pressure on a person. I have been pretty frustrated with  my weight loss and I think that is where the goal came from... not with health in mind. It would be great yes... but is it the end all, be all? No.

 I will continue learning, growing and living healthy. I will get there. That is the biggest thing to keep in mind... I WILL GET THERE.

Always remember to ... Keep your head up.

Friday, September 20, 2013

One Year Later

It is such a different feeling tonight. One year ago I was a nervous wreck about to take on a challenge I wasn't sure I could complete. I was about to run my first 5k.

My love of running all started with a book. My friend Justin and his lovely wife Cindy were a great inspiration to get me into running. They loaned me the book "Born to Run" and my adventure started. Justin suggested that I sign up for a run right away. So I did, not realizing it was one of the hardest courses in the area. (Thanks guys! haha)

 I got great advice, support and motivation from so many of my friends, co-workers and family.
I trained and pushed myself to get ready and before I knew it the day was here.

The day couldn't have been more perfect. I was so nervous I wouldn't be able to finish, but my friends and family had enough confidence for me. My uncle John, aunt Julie and my sister Alisha came up super early to run and walk with me. My friend Nate (who was a new friend at the time) up and decided he was going to run too. He stuck with me the entire time and I couldn't have asked for a better running partner. He kept me motivated to keep going and has continued to do so since that day.

Then there was the crowd at the finish line. Justin, Cindy and their adorable little ones were there with signs and cheers. My fabulous friends Jamie, Erin and Beth were there as they said they would be. No hesitation, they all were all going to be there.

I finished with a smile and have been addicted since that day. It was the start of a grand adventure that won't really have an end.

I still remember running across the finish line and I can't wait to do so once again tomorrow. Cindy and Jamie will be there to run. I have also sweet talked a group of friends into walking their first 5k event. I am so excited and proud of them! It is going to be an amazing day.

Here is to a new year! A little lighter, a little faster and a whole lot more confident.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Can't Seem to Get It...

I know what I need to do. I know life gets busy. I know it isn't going to be easy. I know. I know. I know.

I am trying so hard to get back into that routine. I lost my rhythm it seems. I have that motivation one second and then the next it is gone. Life has changed and I am getting a little too cozy... aka settling. I feel like I have been settling with my work outs. Settling with my food choices, my activity and just going through the motions.

I am hoping that committing to the race and getting my focus back will jump start my motivation once again. I am not failing...just coasting. That isn't me. That wasn't the me that got myself through a half marathon and that has lost over 130 lbs.. I also know that I am focusing on that number too much, but right now it seems like I have to.

Not only do I put pressure on myself, but I feel the pressure of others when they ask "So now how much have you lost?". I know it is curiosity and not meant to put pressure on me. I just hate giving the same number that I have given for the last how many other times they have asked. It is stressing me out a little each time that it happens. I was happy to talk about it when I was losing consistently... I just haven't had anything to celebrate lately and that isn't helping the motivation.

So. Trying to stay positive. Trying to get back. Trying not to pressure myself. The one thing that I need to remember...

 I. Do. Not. Settle. For. Anything.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

The Next Chapter...

Feeling good and feeling the thrill of a new challenge. 10 mile run at the end of October... 2013!

I have been almost lost since the 1/2 marathon ended. I was going to focus solely on losing the rest of this weight, but I felt like something was missing.

I am still working at my weight goal and still want to lose the rest of it by the end of the year. I want to start 2014 a new healthy person!

Keeping my head up and moving forward.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Am I Going To Make It?

Am I going to lose the rest of this weight by the end of the year? That is the question I keep asking myself. I do not want to go into year 4 with my weight loss goal not met. I just can't do it. I have over 4.5 months to lose... 45 lbs.

I have been at such a stand still that I ask myself again... Can I do it by the end of the year?

Determination will hopefully get me through it...

I am supposed to be Focusing on the Fitness... but all I am Focusing on right now is the Fat.

Monday, July 29, 2013

The Insecurities in Trying Something New Once Again...

Why do I feel the need to put myself in these situations?? I know I will never know what I am capable of unless I try... but that gut wrenching feeling of trying something new is unbearable sometimes...

I agreed to do a Zombie Quarantine run next month. I don't do obstacle courses. At all. I am not a fan of the unknown and that is exactly what I got myself into. My friends (who I love dearly!) talked me into it... okay I was called a wuss and someone pulled the birthday card on me! I couldn't say no. So now I am freaking out.

I started running again after a 2 week break for heat/business. I was dumb and tried to do it w/o water tonight. NOT SMART. Calling myself out: I only did a 3.4 mile run and I had to walk a few times. I will get my shit together for the next run.

The fact that it is a team challenge is another added affect to this... what if I hold them back from having fun? If I can't do something, does that affect the team? I don't want others to be disappointed if I can't do something... I know I am the only one thinking these things... but I can't seem to help myself!

My freak outs come and go. One minute I know it will be fun and the next I am back in gym class trying (and failing) at jumping a hurdle and swinging on the rope during an obstacle course. Being the fat girl in gym class once again.

To some this isn't a big deal... to the girl that was over 300 lbs. (some forget that sometimes) it is a huge deal. It is just one more thing to conquer I guess.

 I will put my big girl panties on and get this done... and quietly freak out before hand...

Sunday, July 14, 2013

A Dress...

Who knew a dress could bring up so many memories?

When visiting my parents, I looked into one of the closets where a bunch of my bridesmaid dresses and a few prom dresses hang. There was one dress that stuck out to me. My 8th grade graduation dress.

I remember going shopping with my grandma and great aunt. That was the tradition in our family. They took us out of school and we had a day of shopping and going to lunch. I remember how hard it was to find a dress because of my size back then. Yeah in 8th grade I was already pretty  big. I did luckily find this purple dress that I loved. It was a woman's size... 20. Yes you read that right. I was about a size 16 pant in 8th grade, but had to get a size 20 dress. (we all know how sizes can change with styles) I was of course embarrassed, but again it didn't change anything. I did have a great day with my family and will always remember the good parts.

Back to the dress...

I grabbed the dress and brought it back with me. I was thinking I could have it taken in, because it is a style that is pretty classic. I tried the dress on and... look at the picture below:


See all that fabric I am holding? The thing is like a sack on me! I love it! It hangs down almost to my ankles and is just... huge. That is the dress from my 8th grade graduation...!
It really puts things into perspective of how far I have really come. Right now, when I am stuck on a plateau... it doesn't seem so bad.
Things that motivate...

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Anxiety and Frustration

I was so excited to kick that plateau earlier this month. Now I have to focus on the weight gained over the holiday weekend. So frustrating. I am so focused on that number and it is controlling my moods at times. I want that number to start going down... just seems to be staying no matter what I do...


Sunday, July 7, 2013

Looking Into The Mirror...

Holiday weekends. Gotta love them. Great memories are made, lots of laughs, spending time with your favorite people and... eating and drinking way too much.

I have those days, I have those weeks. I have been handling them a lot better than the first time I had a splurge weekend. No crying over French fries this time! I feel bad about it all. It could have been way worse, I was thinking about the amount of the not so healthy food I was eating. Which did keep me in check with a lot of things. Unfortunately it was all really salty stuff. Food that I am not used to eating and food that can still make me feel guilty. Or rather, I make myself feel guilty for eating it.

I have had those days and have gotten past it. This time it had a little more effect on me. I had to try on my bridesmaid dress for a wedding that I am in in 2 weeks. I love the dress, but unfortunately it doesn't fit at the moment. You know that sizes of dresses are all different, especially for bridesmaid dresses. For my cousin's wedding I had to have the same dress size taken in. This one is just a bit snug and doesn't zip all the way. I have had anxiety over trying the dress on since I got up this morning. I knew. KNEW that it wasn't going to fit and that it may be worse than it was before.

I went over to T's house to have her start doing the alterations. I was trying it on and of course I couldn't  get the zipper all the way up. I turned and looked in the mirror... and my stomach dropped. Right then and there I had a flashback to another bridesmaid dress at another time... Having to order the largest size the dress came in and then having to buy a shawl in the same color. Reason for that? It still needed to be let out. It was humiliating and standing on that step to have the lady try to figure out how she was going to make this dress look good on me. Once again... it wasn't the spark I needed to change my life yet.

I don't ever want to feel that way again. I KNOW I am not even close to the size I was when that happened. The combination of feeling guilty over the indulgent weekend and the dress still not fitting was just too much.

T did tell me she could do a little tweaking and it will look fantastic. She said not much needed to be done. Which was fantastic news. I was waiting for her to tell me she couldn't take it out as much as it needs to be. I was waiting for the worst news of... you need a bigger size. It didn't happen and that is all that matters.

This week is a new week and a time for me to get back to being me. Holidays and going out of town always throw a person of. It wasn't a totally horrible weekend food wise, it was just more in my head. Yes I gained, but I am sure a lot of it is the salt. Back at it tomorrow with even more motivation to get that dress to fit.

Hope everyone had a great holiday weekend!

Monday, July 1, 2013

Read A Blog That Made Me Think...

I was reading one of my favorite healthy living blogs. I really enjoy reading about other people's journey and how much I can relate to some of their stories. This one post today, really got me thinking.

The question she was asking... Can a personal trainer that has never been over weight really understand and help someone who has a significant amount of weight to lose?

The story she told was of a trainer that just "assumed" that over weight people are weak. That really burns me to even think about, but unfortunately that is a stereo type out there. Weak, lazy or just doesn't care. I have heard it all.

I am not saying I know how all over weight people think/feel or even the medical issues that some have. For me, personally, I was an emotional eater. I had no control. I looked at food as "good or bad", something I needed to hide. That is where the relationship between me and my stomach took a turn for the worst. I am not proud of how I used to abuse food, it makes me sad to think of the reasons why. I can stress over those days and hate myself for what I did back then... but at the end of the day, I am here.

I still have set backs and still can be an emotional eater... who isn't? But it is how I have changed my lifestyle that makes it all alright. I am on the right track and am not that same person anymore.

So, I got a little off topic here... A personal trainer that has never been over weight... can they really relate? In my opinion it is about the client. If they get the motivation from their trainer to change their life, who am I to say? However, I do see the other side. How can you honestly help someone and tell them you "understand", when in all reality you can't relate?

My biggest concern would be that they would push their client too much and too far to help them stick with it. It becomes overwhelming and one would give up. You hear the jokes about people being all "fitness" at the beginning of the year and then losing their motivation. Slow and steady wins the race... at least for me and I am thinking for most people. You change 100% of your habits at once? It gets to be too much and it is way too easy to give up. That is one of the biggest things that I have learned from this journey.

 Main opinion: As long as any negative thoughts or judgments never make it on the fit trainer's face or in their comments... I am cool with it.

What are  your thoughts on this topic?

Sunday, June 30, 2013

My Goal For The Rest Of The Year...

I am afraid to say this out loud for the fact that usually when I set my mind to something, I HAVE to do it. Well I am about  to throw the gauntlet down for my personal goal... Losing the rest of this weight BY THE END OF THE YEAR.

There. I said it.

I have had so many great moments, set backs and everything in between the last 2.5 years. I still can't believe it has been that long since I started this journey. I am seeing the light at the end of this long tunnel and I am antsy to get there. I don't want to go into 3 years. I sounds pouty, but I am so close. Less than 50 lbs. now.

The idea is to really keep that goal in mind. I set that one aside for the half marathon goal that I gave myself last year. That is all I thought about for over 7 months. Now I am ready for the next ultimate goal... my goal weight. I know I will be able to accomplish so much more once I really focus shedding the pounds and getting healthy.

My plan: Cardio and toning. I need to keep the cardio (running) going to burn those calories. I also need the weight lifting to build muscle. My fear of not lifting weights is that the pounds that I do lose will be muscle and not fat. If that happens, the excess skin that I do have will be even worse. I am already self conscious about that now! Also, having more muscle burns more calories in the long run. You look healthy on the outside as well as being healthy on the inside.

Keeping calories in check is the second part of my plan. This summer is filled with events and parties with all sorts of drinks and tasty treats. MODERATION is the key to the success of this plan. I can have my fun, but keep in mind what I am putting into my body.

So there we go, a goal is set with a plan. I just have to keep focused and know that I can succeed at this. I have always been stubborn and I hope that stubbornness shows in the next 6 months.

Keeping my head up and knowing I am a fighter.

Thursday, June 27, 2013

A New Look and A New Beginning

As most of you can tell by now, there is a new look to my little blog. My fabulous friend Erin worked her magic and created something awesome. There are new tabs and new ways for me to share information on recipes, new progress pics and how far until I reach my goal. This new look to my blog is a new beginning of telling my story!

Since starting over with counting calories and really watching my portions, I have lost 3 lbs. since last Monday... 3! I know I am always saying this but... I had to get back to the basics. I strayed too far that time and now I am on track to losing these last lbs.

I have also delved deeper into the running world... I now know what shin splints feel like. OUCH! I did some interval running on the treadmill Tuesday morning. (yes you read that right A.M.) Ever since then my shins have been on fire. Stretching hasn't helped and I have tried icing a bit, but that hasn't done much. I think I will just have to wait it out, but I am getting sick of not running already!

As I stated above, I did have a morning workout this week. I think I wrote in a post a year or so ago how much I HATE a morning workout. However, with it being so hot at the end of the day, I am not getting the best workout. It wouldn't kill me to do it a few times a week... I guess. The reason why I gave up on morning  workouts before, was for the fact it was too easy to talk myself out of it! I was having to make myself get up early and hated every second. If you aren't liking something, it is sure hard to make a habit out of it!

So here I go and continue on my way. I have had a new burst of energy and I am closing in on that ultimate healthy lifestyle!

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Can't Sleep...

So I thought I would blog my thoughts...

I had an "ah ha" moment last Thursday. I had upped my calorie intake when training for the half marathon bc of the amount of calories I was burning. I was training for 7 months for that race. That was 7 months of creating a habit of increased portions. After the race I got sick, wasn't able to run and I was still in the middle of a lot of over time at work. My world kept going... including my calorie intake. I didn't take a moment to change things back to how it was pre-training.

I have no idea why it just hit me now, but wow does that make sense! I started using again to help keep track of my calories. It is like I am starting over from scratch, but it is something that needs to be done. I even surprised myself at how many calories my breakfast was. Don't get me wrong, it is about 350 calories for my egg sandwich and coffee, but I had estimated less. That was when I knew I had strayed a little too far from my plan.

It makes total sense now of why I wasn't losing. I wasn't gaining, but I have made no progress to losing that last 50. Sometimes you just have to take a step back and re-think the situation. I was getting so frustrated but not really looking at how different my habits had become to when I first started. I know I have changed and learned a lot from day one, but it is always the same outline that I follow. Portion control and working out. Period.

Now that I am a few days in, it is strange, but I feel like "me" again. I am back in focus of my ultimate goal to get healthy. I am actually looking forward to weighing in tomorrow. I see the number on the scale has changed already. Just need to make it official. I still haven't picked out a big goal like the half marathon was. However, I think my goal right now is to live a healthy life and get the rest of this weight off. That is a pretty big goal to handle right now.

Sweet dreams.

Monday, June 17, 2013

It's The Little Big Things In Life...

It has been a crazy busy time around here between work projects and wedding/social gatherings! It has been busy, but I have been having a blast.

I just returned from my best friend's bachelor/bachelorette party. It was a huge success and such a great weekend. It is hard to get a large group of people together and have them all get along! It was great! It was a big weekend for me along with everything else. One might be surprised to know... I had a few Small Victories this weekend...

I spent the weekend in Wisconsin Dells... as in THE Wisconsin Dells that is the "water park capitol of the world."... as in I HAD TO WEAR A SWIMSUIT! I haven't worn a swimsuit in oh... 2 years? I got the cutest suit (on sale of course) and... wasn't sure how I was going to feel. I  brought shorts and a tank just in case.... well I didn't need it! I was comfortable in the suit and in how I felt in it. BIG step for me.

The second "small victory" that I had was the dress that I wore. I. Miss Holly Ann. Got a dress that was super stylish, super cute and in a regular size. BAM! :) I was so excited about the dress. I got to wear something like "normal" woman do. Sounds super weird... so let me explain... I always had to wear the sweater over the dress bc I was self conscious over my flabby arms, couldn't wear the cute styles with the empire waist bc of my stomach and I could never find anything like that in the plus size section. I felt hot in that dress...!

It was such a great weekend, but now I have 1 month to fit in that bridesmaid dress...!!! I still have about 1.5 inches to get zipped... it is a hot little number, short, pink and fabulous. I can't wait to wear it! I just have to make sure I am comfortable in it, so I need to get my ass in gear!

I had a GREAT workout tonight. Busted my butt and I did sweat it off. I had a great time working out (weird I know!) but I am so happy to get back into my routine.

Keep your head up and keep trucking along!

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

I NEED Routine...

I have had a really hard time to get back into my groove after having an upper respiratory infection. My schedule being all over the place and not having my routine has helped me stay unmotivated as well. I am not having my typical meals, working out right after work or even drinking the amount of water that I am used to. I have really realized how much routine is very very important to me.

I have gotten back into Insanity and have vowed to complete the workout. I am pretty good at keeping my goals when I set them. I only have 1 more week of my off schedule, then I should have my normal routine back. Excuses. I hate excuses, but at this point... it is what it is. I lost my motivation for a bit, but I am determined to get back.

I also had a realization this past weekend. I am still worrying about how my weight affects the activities that I do. Silly after running a half marathon. I still have this fear of being embarrassed and having people make fun of me. Just the thought of having to play a sport and/or run in front of people I didn't know... broke me and brought flashbacks of being the fat kid in gym class again. I remember praying that it would rain when it was an activity that was outside that I didn't want to do... like running the mile. The insecurities that I had back then... still hang around... which was a total shock to me.  I was still living off my half marathon and the things I have accomplished so far. I kind of realized now that I thought I "had this". I have done a lot true... but I am not done. I can't coast the last 50 lbs. off.

This opened my eyes and made me realize that I am not always going to be 100% positive and that I am not 100% confident. I will have my melt downs yet and my insecurities... thank goodness I have good people to bring me back to reality.

So after my emotional shock and currently watching my favorite show: Extreme Makeover Weight Loss Edition... I want my motivation back. I want my routine back. I want that fire back... I feel like I am getting back into that mentality and ready to do this!

"Do Epic Shit."

Sunday, May 19, 2013


I have felt a little lost the past 2 weeks. The half marathon is over and I got sick with a cold almost directly after. I haven't worked out in 2 weeks... and that is so not like me!  Like normal with my cold, I get a URI and have issues with my asthma. That has kept me from running since the half. I know from experience the hardest thing to do is to get back into the normal workout routine.

I am feeling about 98% better today and am ready and determined to start back up again. I can't continue to not get my fitness on... it just puts me in a bad mood for one thing. The other reason, I only have 50 lbs. to go! I know I have said that in a couple posts. Reason being: I have been stuck and also the minor detail of... I haven't worked out in 2 weeks!

Routine is so important to me and this journey. I have been working different hours for a project at work and have been working longer days. I am traveling to another clinic for a few days next week and I am already having concerns about not being able/wanting to workout while I am there. I have a feeling once I get back to my normal schedule of work, gym and a healthy meal, things will go a lot better. At least I know that it is a huge concern for me and that I will NEVER fall back into my old ways just because of a little change.

So back at it I go. I so badly want to lose the rest of this 50 lbs. this year. I have some new ideas for fitness, but mainly I just want to get out there and run.

Keep your head up.

Sunday, May 5, 2013

My First Half Marathon...

Photo: Post half marathon Holly! Such an inspiration!

I did it! I completed my first half marathon! I finished in 2 hours and 59 minutes.

This day couldn't have been more perfect. The weather was cold and rain free. The friends I saw as I kept hitting each mile marker kept me going. My parents even came and surprised me at mile 7! At the finish line was where I really got my experience in... I turned my ipod off to take it all in. My friends and family cheering me in to the finish line... cheering to keep me pushing.

It was one of the hardest things that I have done so far. I pushed through the pain, pushed through the doubts and pushed through the mental games. I was never so happy to see a mile marker than I was when I saw that number 12. After mile 9 is where it got harder for me. My hip hurt like crazy and I was feeling sick. I kept going and kept pushing though, that is the most important part. Thank goodness for all the volunteers that kept up the encouraging words and cheering all the runners to keep going. I did ask one if it would be alright if I called a cab from mile 11... he said it probably wasn't the best idea.

At the finish line is what I will remember for the rest of my life... I turned my ipod off to take it all in. My friends and family cheering me in to the finish line... cheering to keep me pushing and to keep running. It is the most amazing experience to be running to the finish line of a race that you worked so hard to complete.

My parents brought me roses to congratulate me and even brought flowers for my training partner Jamie and my uncle John. They were so proud of everyone that ran and said over and over how proud they were of me. I loved seeing them at the 7 mile... I was disappointed when I thought they weren't coming and so happy to see them there. They had been planning on coming since the first day that I said I was going to run a half marathon. My grandma was nervous to talk to me because she thought she would let the surprise slip. Gotta love grandma!

I have the best friends in the world. Period. They support me and keep me going like none other. The ones that were physically at the race were there with  no hesitation. They wanted to be there to support me and have always been there. A couple of them attended my first 5k race less than a year ago again no question about it. They are some of my favorite people to see at the end of a big race!

Another friend gave me one of the best gifts... he gave me the most inspirational quotes I could have ever found. He made sure that I knew how awesome this day was going to be and how much I inspire others. He was right there at the finish line as well, again no hesitation.

The messages alone from the friends and family that couldn't be there was overwhelming. The encouragement, the inspiring words and the pure support that I got from them is priceless. The amazing card from my sister, the calls from friends, the facebook messages and even my grandparents and little brother called to wish me luck. I also received the sweetest card from someone I have actually never met in person. Kristen is on her own journey of a healthier lifestyle and she took a moment to wish me luck in a card. Our stories are so similar and I am very proud of how far she has come.

The friends that ran the half... are awesome! They are the ones that got me into running and the one that was sweating right along w/ me when we trained. It was a day for all of us to remember and I could not have asked for better people to run with.

My uncle John has supported me from day one and again had no hesitation to run w/ me. John and my aunt had to drive 2 hours to make it up here for the race. It is amazing to think that they were here right along with me and shared this experience. Couldn't think of a better way to hang out w/ my family!

I did it. It was fantastic and now I sit here and think... What's next? :)

** To some that don't know my past and how far I have come... they make think that I am making too much out of a race. The ones that really know where I started and how far I have come, they understand why this was such a huge moment in my life.

Friday, May 3, 2013

Day before one of my biggest life events...

It is the day before the half marathon...!

The big day is just around the corner and I couldn't be more excited. I am nervous yes and a bit of a basket case. (Anyone who REALLY knows me knows that that is a normal thing :P) 7 months. 7 months of training, tears, amazement and unfortunately some kneeling before the porcelain. It has been one of the best adventures that I have been on. I feel like I really found myself through all of this.

I couldn't have made it through all this training w/o my training partner! My friend Jamie is always in for whatever adventure is up for conversation. I asked if she would like to run a half marathon... she said "okay". It started from there. This will be her first race as well and has worked so hard to get to this day. I think our friendship has grown through this adventure of ours and I couldn't be more proud of her.

 We ran together once a week for 7 months. If we couldn't run together, then we made sure to text each other once we were done. We kept each other accountable and discussed different ways of training. Our motto has been "If it seems legit...". We had no training plan and just went for it. Again, anyone who really knows me knows that I love and will research everything that I change in my lifestyle. We got a lot of tips from websites, articles and just the people around us.

One big thing that I learned from Jamie was... chill out. I put a lot of pressure on myself to do the best and do it well. If I had a bad run, I was apologizing all the time and upset that I didn't do better. She taught me how to "run for fun". Just go out, run and have a good time. I am finally learning that after 7 months w/ training. Running is fun to me, it is a stress relieve and I can't imagine a time where I didn't do it.

Did I mention that we always make our runs an experience? Between dancing at the stoplights, mother nature's treadmill, running w/ glow sticks and tripping on the sidewalk... I definitely have some memories from our runs. All I have to say is... thank goodness I was running w/ a nurse!

So here I am. I am about to accomplish one of the biggest goals I have set for myself. It is an overwhelming thought.

I have received so many phone calls and messages from old friends, new friends, co-workers and family. Everyone has been so supportive and amazing. It brings tears to my eyes to know how great the people I surround myself with are. The ones that wish they could be there... they have no idea how much that means to me to know that they wanted to and just even had the thought. The ones that will be there... I can't wait to see them all when I cross the finish line. This journey that I am on has showed me how damn lucky I am to have these people in my life.

Thank you to the friends and family that have been there giving advice, giving encouragement, cheering me on and picking me up when I was down. You mean the world to me and there is no way I could ever repay what you have given me.

**Best of luck when running your half marathon Jamie, Justin, Cindy and my Uncle John. I could not ask for better people to have this adventure with.

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Test run...

Finally did the 13 miles!!! I did it in 3 hours... I am ready for the race in 2 weeks!

(BTW this was the hardest run by far! So hard to keep going and finish.)

Complaint: I hate it when someone asks if I ran the whole time. I just did 13 miles and you take my thunder away w/ that question. Yes I had to walk on and off, but you know what? I ran 10 miles none stop... so there. I also finished when I wanted to and I didn't give up... think of the positives people.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Frustration and nerves

I had thought to be way closer to my ultimate weight loss goal at this time. I had been consistent with the 1 lb. loss every week and now it is sticking around the same number again. Where are the big losses? I hate these plateaus that come so often now, that it is hard to get excited when I start losing. I know I will just hit another wall in a week or so.

Something else that is making me feel self conscious, is the fact that I am getting droopy skin. That has been my biggest fear w/ losing the weight... the excess skin. I am getting healthy and that is ALL that matters... but I can't help but want to look good too. My arms have the droop... my legs and stomach have the droop... ugh!

Game plan: I am going to focus a lot more on weights and trying to tone and tighten. I know I still have 50 lbs. to go... but I need to do something now.

Nerves: 2.5 weeks until the race and I still have yet to run 13 miles...! This weekend is my outing for that... wish me luck!

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Running on the Tread...

I hated it. Flat out did not like running on the treadmill. What a boring experience after being able to run outside multiple times. It is worse than the track. The main reason I am very anti-treadmill with distance running is... that I couldn't do my distance. I made it 5 miles before I gave up.

When running my pace changes too much. While running  on the treadmill it got to a point where I feel like I am wanting to walk more and more. I know it is probably a mental thing... okay I KNOW it is a mental thing. I just gave up. SO. I will probably not run distance this week. I ran 5 miles on Monday  (gorgeous out) and 5 miles tonight. I am doing my first 5k of the season on Saturday too. I suppose that is pretty good, but the race is in 3 weeks. I have 3 weeks to get my butt in gear to be able to make it through a half marathon.

On a brighter side: I have lost a total of 130 lbs. That is an adult. WOW. I have dropped into a size 12 a while ago and am gearing up for that size 10. I have gotten my bridesmaid dress in from one of the weddings for this summer... I ordered a size smaller at the shop and probably should have gone 2. It is already too big! Love it!

The weight loss is still slow and steady. I will take it. I didn't become over weight in a day, so it will take time for me to get healthy.

Keeping the head up and moving on.

Sunday, March 31, 2013

It has been a while!

Time for some catch up!

It has been busy around here and will only get busier! However, that does not mean I have been slacking with my healthy lifestyle.

I have kept true to my healthy ways and have made it out of Easter without gaining a lb. I will have the official weigh in tomorrow, but things are looking good.

I started a new weight loss contest. Most of the people on my team are ones that I have never met, but still work at MCHS. The winning team gets a fruit basket. Some would say "wahoo a fruit basket?". Myself personally... heck yes I wanna win that basket! I can be a competitive person and the weight loss contest will hopefully help keep that fire burning to lose the last 53 lbs. I have to go.

53 lbs. yes that is it! Starting at 313 lbs. a little over 2 years ago... and now I only have 53 to go. CRAZY to think about. I can't wait to reach the goal, but the biggest thing I got out of this contest: My Life.

The race is only a little more than 1 month away...! I am getting excited and nervous and well... just flat out amazed that I am going to be doing this. Run, walk or crawl... I am going to do this. I can't wait to see everyone that day... the friends and family that are running and coming to cheer, it is going to be a day to remember! I have finally stopped puking after my distance runs. As soon as I got outside and started running w/ water, I have been doing great. Still takes a lot out of me, but at least I am not getting sick. Progress!

That pretty much sums up what has been going on around here. I will get better at doing posts more timely in the future!

Ya gotta keep you head up.

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Everyone has an opinion...

1. "You would think all the running you do, you would be smaller..."
2. "Your small everywhere else except your butt."
3. "You still got that gut on ya."
4. "If I am not careful, pretty soon you will be as small as me."

I was at the gym on Wednesday night running and 3 girls who spent more time on their hair than in the gym, thought my running was extremely funny. They kept looking back and laughing... I was the only other person on the track, so I can safely assume I was being amusing?

The comments and laughs can still sting... and make me self conscious... but I kept going  on Wednesday night and I will keep going now.

(These are just the most recent in the past few weeks)

Keep your head up...

Monday, March 4, 2013

Real Reaction...

I am sitting here after my workout thinking about how far I have to go. 56 lbs. away from meeting the biggest goal I have ever worked for. Why is it taking me so long? Why am I treading water and not losing more? These are all questions I keep asking myself. I am so close, but still stuck at that number that doesn't seem to want to go away on that scale.

As much as that is frustrating and annoying, I am living life. The changes I have made are forever. I just need to keep pushing and get myself there. I am so close to that goal number, it feels like that is all I am thinking about. I got a good pep talk from a few friends at work. They told me just because that number isn't moving doesn't mean I am not getting fit. (which is the most important part!). The number is only one part of living healthy, I love that my friends are here for me when I need that extra dose of sunshine at my parade.

 I can still look in the mirror some days and see that person that I was before. After losing 126 lbs. that seems like a silly statement. I can't get that person out of my head obviously, but I am seeing her less and less!

Staying positive is the only way to finish this journey. It is a journey of a life time... so worth it.

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Train Insane OR Remain The Same...

I saw this line and thought... this is what keeps me going. That worry about staying the same or going back and being the person I was before...

 I was so down on Thursday after my 10 mile run. I felt horrible after and it has been that way for a few weeks. By horrible I mean sick. I had been throwing up after running or being so sore and achy that I couldn't sleep. On Thursday I questioned myself on my decision to sign up for a half marathon. I just wasn't sure if my body could actually do this. Can I work hard enough to accomplish this? As soon as the nausea fades and the aches are iced and not so bad, that is  where my mind clears and says "yes I can".

It has been hard. There is no denying that, but I think it is worth it. Actually, I know it is worth it. I am going to accomplish something that the old me NEVER would have even thought to do. The me from even a year ago wouldn't have thought about running a half marathon, I hadn't even thought of the 5k yet. (That thought puts things into perspective!) This time last year I couldn't even run a mile yet and today I went for a "short" 2.5 mile run w/o being worn out. That is how far I have pushed myself in the past year.

So there is the fitness and goals for that.  As far as the weight goes... I have been stuck. Still stuck in the late 180's. I can't say I don't know why I am there. I know there has been stress lately and I have been eating and drinking more on the weekend then I usually do. I need to find that happy balance between the fitness and the food. It is like I can only focus on one or the other lately and that isn't helping. I lose the weight during the week and then ruin it on the weekend. I haven't gained to where I am worried I am off track... it is just keeping me from moving forward with the weight loss. I am so damn close and I don't know where my mind is on things right now. I am so focused on the race and  that has been all I have been thinking about with my lifestyle.

Lots of doubts and lots of thoughts from the past week. I am hoping for a new beginning this week and a move closer to my ultimate goal of not being over weight. Yes the half marathon will be an amazing thing, but the real goal is for me to be healthy.

Monday, February 18, 2013

Butterflies and Glitter...

 My friend Amy reminded me of this line recently. I had forgotten about my pep talk and telling her that after going to the gym it is like "freaking butterflies and glitter." I love that feeling when I am done with a good workout and I know I worked my ass off. It may be hard work while doing it (running 9.5 miles!) and some negative thoughts get through, but at the end of the day... quitting is not an option.

Positivity will get you through it. If I can't muster up the motivation I need... I know I have plenty of people in my life to step up to the plate and help me on my way.

Story: Running 9 miles the other week was hard. I got to a point where I said "I can't run anymore." My friend Jamie was running by and all she had to say was "okay, don't give up.". Don't give up. Give up? Not gonna happen. I did a lot of running off and on, but guess what? I finished. The whole point of this journey is finishing, whither I am running across that finish line or crawlin across... I got this.

Side Note: This isn't just about the 1/2 marathon, this is about my entire journey. Running or crawlin... I will get there.

Friday, February 8, 2013

"Let your past make you...

better not bitter."- Roy Disney

This is a quote that really made me think. With being over weight most of my life, there are so many things that I can think of that could make me bitter. The fact I didn't have the willpower to change my ways when I was younger comes to mind. I don't know why it "wasn't my time" or why I couldn't "just lose weight", but it wasn't and I couldn't. This crazy journey had to be done on my time, in my way and when I could. Well, I am glad I can and that I don't let that part of my past make me bitter.

The second thing that comes to mind is the teasing. The teasing from strangers, the comments from family and the not so subtle digs from "friends". It is all there and I can remember every one of those encounters. I would get down on myself or get sassy and claim I "don't care"... but I did. I cared about the looks, I cared about the laughs, it was hard not to. I can still get self conscious (what person wouldn't when they had been mooed at before??)

I am not bitter though. I use those experiences and memories to keep going on my journey. I do hate remembering some of it, it makes me uncomfortable at times, but I am not bitter. If I am getting frustrated with the lack of weight loss or don't want to work out... I just need to remember how far I have come.

Those experiences made me who I am today... I think I am doing pretty damn good.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Getting information!

One of the biggest tasks w/ the journey that I am on is to get information. Between what to eat, what to do while training for the half and just plain fitness in general, there is a lot that I do not know!

Thank goodness for good friends, family and Google. I would be lost and probably passed out after running, if I didn't have some way to get the information that I need. Recently I finished my first 8.5 mile run. I felt great after running! Which is a nice change of pace. To be honest I was getting to the point where I was dreading the run, hating it when I had 2 miles left and constantly was thinking I couldn't run this 1/2. It was very discouraging and I hated the negative feelings I was starting to get.

After running the 8.5 though, I felt amazing and was ready to go! I finally had a run that I was positive about. I get home and I try to eat dinner... well... let's just say dinner didn't stay down too long. "It was such a good run, what did I do wrong?" is all I kept thinking. Well after talking to a couple knowledgeable friends (Thank you Jamie S.) I got a lot of good tips and tricks to help prevent that. The tips vary between what food to eat before and after, how much water to drink and possibly trying protein mixes for after. I will see what works for me and go from there. I need to realize that I am running a lot farther distance than ever before. I need to take care of myself so I don't get hurt or sick again!

I also use Google a lot to find other blogs or articles about everything from weight loss to fitness. You just have to try what works for you and weed out the crappy information that is out there... there is a lot of that!

Do the research, get the knowledge to live a healthier lifestyle the safe and right way for you.

Information. One of the most important aspects of this journey.

Sunday, January 27, 2013

I am back!

On track that is!!

Last week I went back to the  basics. I had gotten out of the habit of measuring my food and really counting calories. Since I started over with and keeping track of my calories once again, I am happy to announce... it worked! I have actually dropped over 5 lbs. in a week. (waiting for official weigh in tomorrow) I obviously was increasing my calorie intake w/o realizing it. Sometimes you just need a jump start to get back on track.

This is my 3rd year of my healthy lifestyle. Yes I have been doing this for awhile, but I am still learning daily and still struggle to keep things on track. I know I won't be perfect, but as long as I keep my positivity, I know I can do this.

What do you do to "jump start" your healthy lifestyle when you feel yourself getting of track?

Monday, January 21, 2013

Back to basics!

I did a little investigating into my habits last night. I realized my calories have slowly crept up the past couple of months. I have been getting too comfortable with what I "thought" I knew and just assuming I was eating the right portions. I just need to get a handle on the calories and I think I will be good. I know one thing that is affecting the portions is that I am doing more intense exercise. I am "starving" after and that is where the meals at night were getting bigger.

 I am back to using I started slacking off on that as well. I need to remember that this is a life time thing and I need to keep on top of portions and exercise for the rest of my life. I can do it, sometimes I just need a jolt (like not losing) to get me back to the basics of living a healthy lifestyle.

I know I got this! Keeping positive is the most important thing. I may get pouty, but deep down I know I won't or can't give up. I just need to whine a bit... so thank you for reading!

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Treading Water...

STUCK! Stuck.Stuck.Stuck. I am not gaining (thank goodness) HOWEVER I am not losing, which is frustrating as all get out. I am just not sure where to go with things anymore. I bought a new variety of foods and I am going to change up the work outs again. I just can't seem to shake this plateau right now.

Back to basics!

Sunday, January 13, 2013

It is the small things in life...

Anyone who knows me, knows I get SUPER excited over the smallest things. I am kind of a dork in some aspects, but I can't help it!

My recent excitement was when I got out of the shower the other day, my towel fit all the way around me and then some! No it wasn't one of those over size towels (that I do have), it was a normal everyday towel.  You may be thinking to yourself "why the hell would that excite her?". Well, when a normal towel has NEVER fit around your body, it is a pretty damn exciting experience when it finally does. As weird as it may sound, that is something that I have been waiting for for awhile. I remember having to shower in gym class and how embarrassed I was that the towels hardly got around me. When we had to supply our own towels, I made my mom buy me a beach towel... embarrassing. It is little things like that that I remember how I felt and still to this day wish would have motivated me to change my habits, even as young as I was.

There is a plus side to getting excited over small accomplishments... you have a lot more things to celebrate! If you wait for all the big goals, you are not celebrating as often. Keeping that positivity around you will make yourself even more excited to keep going. Every time I add a half mile to my run or drop another pant size (now a size 12!!!) it is such an exciting thing... because it is my first. My first time running 5 miles none stop, the first time I remember being in a size 12 or the first time I ever went up in a hot air balloon ride. (Still need to figure out how to top that!) That is what is so exciting about the journey I am on, so many "firsts" to celebrate.

What is hard is some people may think of it as "bragging" or something like it. I just had a conversation with a friend today, mentioning the fact I have to be careful who I tell things to. I know it can get annoying if I am constantly talking about weight loss or goals that I have hit. I try my best, but as I said before, I get excited. I don't want to be "that girl" though, so I am more careful about things now.

However! Don't let make you less excited about the new things happening in your life. The important people will be just as excited as  you are!

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

The start of year 3...

Here I am again, the start of a new year. This is my year. My year to reach goals started 2 years ago, accomplish milestones I never thought I would do and hopefully inspire others to take their journey and make a change. This is year is going to be HUGE.

I am hoping this year will be the year I reach my weight loss goal. I started this journey at 313 lbs. and am starting my 3rd year at 193 lbs.. That is a total of 120 lbs. lost so far. I am so ready to finish what I have started and to focus on maintaining and reaching other goals.

This is the year I will complete my first 1/2 marathon. I have been training the last couple of months and have reached 6 miles so far. Almost half way there! I am so excited and nervous as all get out about that milestone. It is simply insane that I am really going to do this. So many times in the past couple months I called myself crazy to be even attempting this... well call me crazy as well, because I am going to do this. I will have my doubts up until the day of the race, I know that for sure. As long as I don't let those thoughts get to me, I will be good to go.

I feel this past year really put my relationships into perspective and I have gotten closer to the important people in my life. The support and encouragement that I get from them all is truly amazing. I know I am so lucky to have people behind me, inspiring and motivating me to continue, not everyone is this lucky.

 As I sit here writing post, a few awesome things come to mind: I ran my first 5k. Seeing my friends and family at the finish line of my first race will be something I never forget. That day could not have been more perfect to me. That is also the day I decided I was going to run a half marathon... (never let me get bored!)
I lost 100 lbs. this year and took a hot air balloon ride to celebrate. That is one of those "never in a million years did I think..." moments. I love looking back at the pictures from that day and to really think about why I was there.
I got to see the Green Bay Packers twice! Once as a V.I.P for tailgating and once at my first game!...  (Yeah I know, not related to weight loss, but way cool!)

All in all there was a lot of cool moments in 2012. Things I will never forget. I am ready for all the new adventures for 2013 though... this is my year.

Keep your head up and keep pushing...