As I continue through this rollercoaster of a journey, I struggle to keep positive as I find my normal again. I am a creature of habit. I need a routine of food prep and exercise to stay on track. It has been difficult finding that normal again with school, training and work. I feel like I am stressing myself out because I don't have that normal and I connect that to being the only success option for my weight loss. As an emotional eater, the stress is counterproductive.
Last week was a struggle for some reason. Not only with food, but my 9 miles run was terrible. Like really terrible. I couldn't get in my groove and struggled after 2 miles. The whole time I am just thinking "how can you NOT do this?". At the end of the run, the time wasn't as bad as I thought and I felt like a real ass about how I was acting. The negative thoughts that poured in with every step will never help the moment. The negative thoughts just make a difficult time even worse. However, I picked myself back up (bc I couldn't call anyone to do pick me up!) and kept going. One foot in front of the other and I got myself there. No matter what happened during that run... I finished.
There was also a moment last week that made me step back. I was in the gym here doing a workout that happened to have a LOT of burpees (Thanks Crystal!). There was this guys that kept looking over at me and then going to speak to a woman on a treadmill. My first thought was... they are making fun of me. As this has happened on numerous occasions before, I think it is a legit thought and one that many with a similar story' as mine would relate to. When I got done with my workout and was about to leave, the guy stopped me and said something that surprised me.... "Where did you learn to do all that? You were killin' it." I initially wasn't expecting that, but thinking on it now... why the hell not? So I told the guy about CG and the types of workouts we do, he seemed impressed! I walked away with my head high and a small feeling of shame that my first thought was so negative.
I NEED to get that positive mindset back. I don't know how I lost it... but I need to find it again. As I make "mistakes" and binge or maybe don't lose during the week... I keep saying tomorrow or the next meal, I got it. No matter how many times I have fallen in this journey it is so important that I pick myself back up. So today... I say tomorrow will be better.
I hope this post helps someone else who may be struggling with self negativity... know that you are not alone.💜
Half Marathon training update: 10 miles this week!
