Monday, November 9, 2015

Telling My Story and The Bag That Was Packed for 3 weeks

Today was a good day. No, not just a good day... a GREAT day. I always say it is the little things in life that can make you happy... well I had a small victory day. Boy has it been a while!

I started my day with being a guest speaker at UW-L. My friend teaches there and asked me once again to speak with her class. I am so honored that she thinks of me. A student asked her a question last year... What was the biggest transformation she personally witnessed. I am the first person she thought of!

This is the second time I have done this and I was still nervous. I worry about rambling or getting lost in what I want to say. It helps to have a power point of pictures and an outline... but really I just talk and tell my story. Tell them why I started and how I started. Tell them about the time I literally cried over eating french fries or how excited I was to be like everyone else and try on a bridesmaid dress. Or the time I signed up for one of the hardest 5k runs in the area (yeah, I still remember that!). (I got a few chuckles)

What means the most to me is that I am getting my story out, which is similar to many others. Giving others an insight on how hard it is to lose weight and break eating habits that have been going on for years and years... it is priceless. Having just one person understand or even be inspired by the story, is enough for me.

Going to speak to this class also means a lot to me personally. It helps me stay motivated and reminds me to look back. I need to look back at that unhappy person and remind myself I am never going to be in that place mentally or physically again. It helps me keep moving forward and not give up. This has been a really hard time of not working out and not losing weight. I have a new spark that I am excited about though. A spark that will keep me positive and moving forward. That is what speaking about my journey does for me.

The Bag That Was Packed for 3 Weeks...

Has been finally taken out and about! Yes, that gym bag that I had packed right before the appendix had to come out, was taken to the gym today. I was able to do 30 minutes on the elliptical. Not as easy as it used to be, but I got through it. 3 weeks off is no joke my friends!

I am excited to be doing this much and am planning on slowly building on to it. Starting from scratch, but feels oh so good!

Small victory for the day.

Sunday, November 8, 2015

Starting From Scratch...

I need to start from square one. Here is the reason why...

A few weeks ago, my appendix decided to throw a fit and needed to be evicted. Not something I was expecting. (which no one is!) The surgery went well though and I am on the mend. However, what these means is that I have needed to time to heal and have not been able to workout or run as I was before.

I felt like I was just starting to get back into running on a regular basis, right before this surgery. Now it has been about 3 weeks since the surgery and have been able to go on walks a couple times a week, but that has been about it. I have one more week of weight restrictions and then I am able to slowly get back to it. This is the longest I have gone w/o working out. It has been maddening to say the least!

I have been trying so hard to keep my calories under control. I have not been perfect, but have been using my loseit app and been counting calories. I haven't gained weight as I thought I would, since I was not active, but I haven't lost any of it either. If you have read my previous posts, you know I am not happy where I am at today w/ my weight. On one end I should be happy though, that I haven't gained a bunch of weight, but on the other end I am just stuck where I have always been stuck. It is frustrating.

Tomorrow I am going to go to the gym for the first time in a few weeks. My plan is to hop on the elliptical and hopefully get a decent workout in. I am hoping it won't be as jarring as running would be at the moment. Unfortunately w/ the excess skin/fat and the motions of running, it is not ideal for the incisions that are still a little tender. (TMI I know! lol) I am trying to not push too hard, but I need to do something. It just feels like starting over. I am not going to be where I was physically before... so it is going to be a lot of hard work once again. Well, it is always hard work, it is just going to be harder not just physically but mentally.

On another note...

I was asked once again to be a guest speaker for my friends college class. I will be sharing my weight loss journey and I am honored to be asked. I am nervous though. To be perfectly honest, I feel like a fraud right now. I have not been losing weight consistently, I have had my bad days with food... it is just hard to look back and see how far off I am right now. HOWEVER, this is so good for me. I need this. I need to look back and tell my story not just so others understand where some people are coming from as far as weight struggles, but also to remind myself that I am no where near where I started and that... I am doing okay.

The biggest message that I want to give to others while sharing my story...

Never say "can't you just" to someone. Can't you just- stop eating. Can't you just get off your butt. Can't you just....   NO! There is not a "can't you just" option in losing weight. Especially with someone who is a food addict/emotional eater. It takes time. It isn't laziness, it isn't stubbornness and it sure as hell isn't that they like being overweight... It is hard and takes time. It is a habit to break, emotions that one needs to face and the confidence in knowing that you can do it.

That is my message... and I hope it is a good one.

All I need to do is look at this picture and realize... I am not doing so bad. I also vow, I will never go back to this.