Sunday, June 26, 2016

Challenge Accepted... Challenge Completed: Clean Eating for a Week

The past week I accepted a "clean eating challenge". It isn't something I had ever thought I would try and not really something, I feel, I could personally do for the rest of my life... BUT it was a great challenge and really opened my eyes to the food I had been eating.

I prepped for the week by making a meal plan. That can be tough! Thank goodness for Pinterest! I chose a lot of crock pot meals and easy ones to put together. I didn't have to do a lot of meal prep on Sunday, just more so figure out what I wanted to make.

I have always been very strong in my opinion of... you can't just go "cold turkey" for a change. You are just setting yourself up to fail. So, my goal for the week was 90% clean eating. That left room for some tweaks and not feeling like I had so much of a restriction.

Over all I think it was a success. I am not talking about weight loss success (which I did lose a few lbs). I am talking about just feeling "clean" on the inside. There were times I did feel hungry, which I was able to drink water or have a snack when that happened. Over all I felt my energy for the day was up, workouts went better and I just felt lighter... if that makes sense?

I continued to count calories during this past week and was surprised at how much I was able to eat. Not all "clean" foods are low in calories, but I kept that in mind when making my meal plan. Lots of veggies, fruit and natural ingredients. I was able to eat quite a bit and stay within my calorie goal.

I learned a lot during the week. I am going to try to incorporate this in my meals and snacks for the future. Just because it is "low calorie" doesn't mean it is healthy. I feel I am going to choose the more natural snack vs a low calorie "100 ingredient" snack... at times. It is all about balance and what works well for me.

When I went grocery shopping for this week, I checked all the ingredients in the food I chose. Some things still had quite a few, but I passed up on a few things that I would have normally bought. Having an "all or nothing" attitude doesn't always help. It is so easy to get down and even fail. Hopefully making these small victories will help me on my journey of just being overall healthy.

I stepped out of my comfort zone on this and am really glad that I did.

Challenge was accepted... challenge was completed

Do you think you could/would try it?

Example Menu of 1 day clean eating:

Breakfast- Blueberry oatmeal muffin and Coffee
Lunch- Chicken and Veg lettuce wrap
Snack- Apple
Dinner- Orange Chicken (crockpot) w/ stir fry veggies

Thursday, June 9, 2016

Try, Fail, Try, Fail, Try....

That has pretty much been the pattern since moving here. Try to eat low cal, try to work out 5 days a week, it is an endless cycle. No one said this journey was easy though.

I have been doing really good this past couple of weeks. I am not seeing the # on the scale do anything, but have been feel strong when working out. I have been sticking to my 5 days a week of solid workouts. Feels so great! Even on the days I didn't really want to. I have been having more good days than bad as far as calories go. Over all... it is a wash. lol!

What can I do? I keep moving forward. A friend gave me some advice the other day. Long story short- I may not be eating enough calories to balance out the workouts. Essentially putting my body into preservation mode. Who knew I could eat too LITTLE calories to not lose weight? I get it, I do. Plus I need the calories to keep the energy to workout. The hard part is shaking that mentality of cutting calories. I mean that is how I lost the fist 115, why can't I continue? I can't bc I can't cut anymore than I have and still function as a person ...

SO! I need to make the calories count. Stay on the lower end, but pay  more attention to protein intake and all of that. We will see what happens, I was never very good at paying attention to that, but before.. I didn't totally need to. However if that could get me past this rut I have been in? I am willing to try!

In other news...

We are settling in well in NC. I have already done 2 5k runs since  moving here... we have been here two months! (are you surprised?) I have been finding a lot to do and still getting used to the whole working at home thing. I am slowly getting my routine down, which over all is making me feel more comfortable here.

Keeping it positive and moving forward. That is the only way to survive this wild journey.

Thursday, May 19, 2016

No Pictures Allowed? How I lost Myself This Past Year...

I was looking at some pictures on the wall the other day. Remembering the good times I have had with my friends and family. All of a sudden it hit me... I do not have any pictures from the past year, up on the walls.

When losing the weight, I loved trying on clothes, taking pictures and over all... looking in the mirror at my progress. Since gaining this 15 lbs., I have become extremely self-conscious. I have gotten worried when trying on clothes, trying to "suck it in" when taking pictures and just standing in front of the mirror like "what the f?".

Of course when things are going your way,  it doesn't matter if it is weight loss or whatever, everything is sunshine and rainbows. Once things aren't going your way (not losing weight or gaining), you start to doubt yourself, get negative and even feel shame.

I feel it. I feel the shame and will stand in front of that mirror and just say "what is wrong with you?". I am sure I am not the only one in the world feeling this way, but it is such a huge step back. The only thing I can be grateful for, is that it isn't every day. That would be one negative life! I know it is an emotional black hole, that is very hard to dig yourself out of. I am not perfect. I can't keep a positive attitude 100%. However, I like the 80/20 rule. I am allowed 20% of negativity to 80% of positivity. I think that is a good balance.

Apparently I have been, without realizing it, ashamed of how I look, so I didn't want any pictures up to show it. Now that I am aware of what I was doing, I am going to get some pics up. I need to. I need to prove to myself I am not that far off from where I was. I can get there again, I just have to find the right path.

What I am doing today helps. I have been continuing my 5 day a week workouts. I have been running 2 days a week, 2 days of weights and a day of yoga or Pilates. I also have been using my Loseit app and counting calories religiously again. Steps in the right direction.

 Since moving to NC, I do go out to eat more often, which is a change from when I originally started this journey. I am aware though that my choices are more so of what I want at the time and not being prepared to find the healthiest meal on the menu. Being aware and admitting the miss step, is a small victory.

 The plan  moving forward is to stay away from the "3 C's"... Nothing Creamy, Crunchy or Cheesy, when out for dinner. Keep it in check. I don't want to ruin my weeks progress on a few high calorie meals over the weekend. I am still able to be out and enjoy time with my boyfriend w/o feeling guilty about what I am eating.

Turning a little negativity into a whole lot of positivity. I am starting to feel like my "old/new" self, once again.

Keep your head up.

Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Yes! I am still alive.

It has been a long time since I have even attempted a post. I could give you a laundry list of why... but I won't. It has been a while, but I am back! We will leave it at that.

One bit of exciting news is that I am writing this blog post from.... North Carolina! Yes, I left my homeland of WI and am now living in North Carolina with Kedrick. We made the move so that we would be closer to his job sites and he wouldn't have to travel so much. Needless to say... it has been an adventure!

I am settling in pretty well. I was able to keep my job and am working from home. That is very very new to me. I am a social person, so it has been a hard adjustment so far. It will be worth it though! I love my job and the people I work with, so we will make it work.

On thing that is extremely hard with working from home, is not going overboard with snacking and eating through they day. The plus about physically going to work is that I would bring my food for the day and that was it. I wouldn't have the option really to eat more or "graze". That has been very difficult. I have kept pretty healthy snacks and only getting food that I need for the week and that is it. It has helped, but I know there are days I eat more than I should have. Over eating healthy food is totally a thing! I am not going to beat myself up about it, but I need to make sure those days are few and far between. More to come on this! I will find a way to make it work.

So that is where I am at with my relationship with food... trying to hold myself back. My workout routine has been rockin though! I am very much a routine person. Now that we have been here a few weeks, I feel like I am finally getting it. I am working out in the morning, 5 days a week and doing activity at night. There is a gym here at the apartment and even a pool. Since I work a little later here, I get the gym to myself every day. How awesome is that?? I am also getting my running back. I go to a trail that is close by and run my laps. It is peaceful and again, not a whole lot of people around.

I think I am finally getting back to me. Trying to live that healthy lifestyle without stressing myself out too much. I actually am not even weighing myself as much as I had been... which was obsessively! Still haven't lost the weight that I have gained, but I am getting healthy, that is what it is about!

So this is the start of hopefully writing more on the blog, going out and exploring my new city and have a lot more adventures.


Sunday, February 21, 2016

Confessions of a food addict: Part 1

I was hoping this past week, things would calm down a little. Not so much luck. Still a lot going on professionally and personally that has helped me continue on this path of destruction with emotional eating. I feel that I have pretty much hit rock  bottom. The only positive side, is the fact that this rock bottom wasn't my initial rock bottom. Yes, there are apparently a plethora of rock bottoms in this absolutely crazy journey.

I am a food addict.

The more I say it, the more it should help... right? I have admitted it many times.... soooo I should just be able to move forward. No? That isn't how it works? Well... shit.

Today is my day though. I almost said "Let's start Monday.". NO. I am not falling into that trap. I have learned way too much in the last 5 years. This starts today and will continue going forward.

The hard part is routine. With so much going on, it is hard to gather a routine. Which I need. I need that, so I don't talk myself out of things. Like I have in the past week. I am going to try though. Really, really try.

I already have the days planned out that I am going to run. I am going to try the new app from work that has a TON of work out videos. If I can't run, I will do those. They even have a 20 minute one. NO excuses.

Food. Food is a big issue for me. I just need to get back to meat and veggies for lunch. We will start there. Baby steps.

My small victories are back in full swing. It will get better... it has to get better.

Otherwise I will have no clothes to wear once spring really hits!

Thursday, February 11, 2016

What You Eat in Private... Shows in Public

My weight loss is officially at a stand still. To be honest... it is more rolling backwards than at a stand still. My clothes are starting to get tight and I can see the weight. 15 lbs gained will do that to you.

That last sentence was huge for me to state. I panicked when I realized that is how much I had gained back. I swore to myself I wouldn't tell anyone and that I will just get the weight off asap. Now thinking back... a thought like this: "If you don't tell anyone, no one knows and no one will think of you as failure." is not fair to myself or the people around me. I need to be honest so others know it is okay to be honest and to stay accountable for my actions. I have hit a rough patch, but will get through it. I will. It is just a matter of when.

Lots going on in my life these days. Biggest thing: I am moving to North Carolina next month. CRAZY! I am excited and really nervous. Sad to leave my friends and family, but really excited for the adventure and spend more time with my boyfriend. 

The process of making this decision and getting things put together for the move, is stressful to say the least. Emotional Eater + Stress + food addict = bad news bears. 

I am trying. I really am, but then I start to see all the treats around me every single day and going out to eat and not even bothering to check calories... I swear I am addicted to sugar again... it is all very overwhelming. At least I am still being active and working out 4 days a week. However, calories in vs calories out... shit gets real. So in all actuality... the weight gain could be worse!

Other thing is, the fact I am cooking not just myself but my significant other as well. Which is very new. Before I only had to worry about myself. If I wanted a bowl full of cabbage for dinner, that is what I would have. I wouldn't keep sweets or things in the house bc I knew how I was. Living with someone is a game changer. Really this is one big twist in the journey, that I have to figure out. Thank goodness K loves all the low calorie meals and things that I cook! Very lucky in that. Just need to figure out the portions better for myself and get back to being more careful when I go out to eat... It is a whole new level to me. I can't look at his plate and think that I can eat the same portion. That is not healthy thinking... that is food addict thinking.

I am hoping that I can at least stop gaining the weight while in the process of moving. Then I can get settled and back on track. I just really don't know what to do right now... How do I get that healthier mentality back?? 

Hopefully the answer will come soon.

Being honest with myself and others has been a positive thing. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Don't be afraid to say something out loud... it makes it real. Which can be scary. The biggest thing... you don't have to go through this journey alone. I just needed that little reminder.  

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Not myself, but trying...

This will be a short post. This is more of a confession and promise, than a real post...

Confession- I have gained over 10 lbs. back
Promise- I will take those 10 lbs and the last of it off... this time I will succeed.

There will be ups and downs. This journey isn't for the faint of heart. There is disappointing times, hard times and down right impossible times. However, it is what you learn from it, that matters.

Grow with the struggles...

I will be back. :)