I saw this line and thought... this is what keeps me going. That worry about staying the same or going back and being the person I was before...
I was so down on Thursday after my 10 mile run. I felt horrible after and it has been that way for a few weeks. By horrible I mean sick. I had been throwing up after running or being so sore and achy that I couldn't sleep. On Thursday I questioned myself on my decision to sign up for a half marathon. I just wasn't sure if my body could actually do this. Can I work hard enough to accomplish this? As soon as the nausea fades and the aches are iced and not so bad, that is where my mind clears and says "yes I can".
It has been hard. There is no denying that, but I think it is worth it. Actually, I know it is worth it. I am going to accomplish something that the old me NEVER would have even thought to do. The me from even a year ago wouldn't have thought about running a half marathon, I hadn't even thought of the 5k yet. (That thought puts things into perspective!) This time last year I couldn't even run a mile yet and today I went for a "short" 2.5 mile run w/o being worn out. That is how far I have pushed myself in the past year.
So there is the fitness and goals for that. As far as the weight goes... I have been stuck. Still stuck in the late 180's. I can't say I don't know why I am there. I know there has been stress lately and I have been eating and drinking more on the weekend then I usually do. I need to find that happy balance between the fitness and the food. It is like I can only focus on one or the other lately and that isn't helping. I lose the weight during the week and then ruin it on the weekend. I haven't gained to where I am worried I am off track... it is just keeping me from moving forward with the weight loss. I am so damn close and I don't know where my mind is on things right now. I am so focused on the race and that has been all I have been thinking about with my lifestyle.
Lots of doubts and lots of thoughts from the past week. I am hoping for a new beginning this week and a move closer to my ultimate goal of not being over weight. Yes the half marathon will be an amazing thing, but the real goal is for me to be healthy.