I Will Be Happier Once I Lose the Weight...

I have no idea how many times I said that to myself when I was over 300 lbs... 100? 200? Infinity??




I would say infinity, because I am still saying it to myself. I have been in a major funk for weeks. Not losing weight like I had before is making me over think everything that I know. I can feel the insecurities building up. It has been a really big rollercoaster with trying to stay positive and getting so frustrated. Losing weight on a regular basis was amazing. I was so happy to see the scale, happy to get the compliments and happy to lose the dress sizes. Once that high stops... it is depressing to say the least.


I hate to admit it... but here it is... I gained 6 lbs. in the past few months. It is painful to say, as I had prided myself of never gaining more than a few lbs. and that was always for a short amount of time. This time, I gained it and kept it on.


I am working on getting it off, have actually made great strides and have 5 lbs. to go before I get to my lowest again. If I say this setback didn't make me panic... everyone and their mothers would know I would be lying.  (this coming from the girl who cried big tears over eating French fries)


This is real though. This is life. I am going to be gaining (only slightly!) weight and losing weight, the rest of my life. To think that I wouldn't, was naïve. I can't panic, stress out, get depressed or throw in the towel when this happens. I need to work my ass off to get back on a steady track.


I have been feeling sorry, frustrated and angry... mostly at myself and my poor little scale for not showing the number I wanted it to. What I really needed to do was take a big breath and move forward. No more pouting, no more fits. Keeping my head up so I can live a happier life.




So that has been my secret. I've kept a smile on this face, but inside I was frustrated and upset. This journey isn't glamorous and there isn't always success. Hopefully this post helps others that get super frustrated. It isn't always going to be roses, you won't be happier once you lose weight... Life happens. There is always something that gets in the way. A lot of your happiness is based on how you handle the frustrating moments. Make those moments count and let it push you forward.

A New Year with NO Resolutions...

First of all, let me just say... HAPPY NEW YEAR!!


This is the time of year where everyone is talking about their "new year resolutions". Everything from goals to be: nicer, more adventure, learn a new skill and the BIG ONE... Lose weight.


So, I gotta ask... What was your New Years Resolution from 2014? Do you remember?


I know mine was to reach my weight loss goal. Since I obviously haven't been blasting it everywhere, you can safely assume I did not reach that goal. lol


It hit me the other day that having a weight loss goal as a resolution is kind of like saying... "I will start on Monday..." Why do I need to make a resolution at the beginning of the year to lose weight? Why not  continue on my journey? It is a lifetime thing, not just a year thing. To make a promise to myself about reaching that goal in 2015 would be setting myself up for a fail and a lie if I don't make it. I am not more motivated by making a resolution... I am more motivated with just trying to stay healthy and make good choices.


So I came to the decision... there will NOT be a resolution this year.




"Wanna start the new year right??! well here is a weight loss solution for you..."


For the last 3 years I have seen the gym fill up to the max of new people starting their resolution for the new year... and every year I see them dwindle one by one until by March, I would say, it is back to the "regulars" at the gym. Don't get me wrong, I love seeing new people at the gym, but it has sadly become my expectation that more than half won't be coming back by the spring. The weight loss resolution has become so commercial as well. There is always sales on gym memberships, ads for fitness sales and the fad diets (everyone knows how I feel about those!!) are everywhere! It seems that this happens mostly at the beginning of the year. Especially in the stores where they promote the fitness equipment and new weight loss pill at the front of the store. It is very frustrating to see year after year.


Don't fall into the trap of "I am going to lose weight this year.". Make the decision to make healthier choices and you won't have to make a resolution that you may not meet. It is a more positive way to start off a new year!


What are your thoughts on new year resolutions?

Holiday Eating Tips...#1

Make the calories count! It is hard to eat "healthy" around the holidays... so eat smart!


First tip ***Don't eat it unless it is worth it.

Store bought (fill in blank)- Not worth it.
Grandma's oatmeal fudge- Worth it.


Don't deprive yourself of the special treats that you only get once a year. Those don't come around very often and is a real treat. I am not saying go all out and eat an entire cake, but indulge in a slice. If it makes you smile... go for it.

Store bought rolls, desserts and salads? Leave it on the table. Things that you can/do eat all year round aren't worth the extra calories for the day.


That is the first of many tips to get through the holidays w/o gaining! Stay tuned for the next one :)

My Doctor Says: Just Chill.

Just chill... that is not something one usually hears from their doctor. However, that is the answer I got when I expressed my frustration over being stuck in this plateau for well over a year. She basically said that my body is happy, but don't give up. Just trying to live as healthy as I can is the only way the last of this weight will fall off.

In saying that... let me catch you all up on the last few weeks!


The half marathon was  a few weekends ago. I had a LOT of fun and did pretty well. It was a very strange feeling at the starting line... I was calm. (I know right?) You usually don't hear that from me. I had come to terms that this was a fun run and the only goal I had was to finish it.


I know I didn't train very well. To be honest I wasn't 100% into it bc it is really hard on my body and didn't take a huge break between the last one. The heat, the vomiting... I can give a ton of excuses of why I shouldn't have been ready, but I was. I was ready bc I was finally ready to just have fun.


I finished in about 3 hours and had a fabulous time. I was bummed though that they ran out of beer at the finish line... really?! :)

       

I am still holding strong with the weight loss and haven't gained anything lately. I am OKAY with that. Not thrilled, but am going to stay "chill" like my doctor says. Now that the half marathon is over with, I am ready to have a healthy relaxing winter. No stressing about getting my distance run in at the track, feeling like crap after and not having a very flexible schedule. I see a winter filled with running on a treadmill for 3-5 miles, weight lifting and for sure some HOT YOGA (ow!ow!). Now that sounds like a nice relaxing winter.

I have been trying a few new recipes lately and hopefully will get my favorites posted. There is nothing I like better than finding a tasty healthy alternative way of making things. My boyfriend would agree because I try these out on him so he gets a lot of good home cooked meals when he is home :)

One thing I am really looking forward to though is the Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving! It is an awesome tradition that I have with my friends. I don't visit family for this holiday and I usually spend it with my friends... running 5 miles! This will be the 3rd year and am already excited for those bloody Mary's after!

One last thought...

I saw this post below on one of my favorite Facebook pages (I <3 to run, check it out!) It made me really think about some of the conversations I have had in the past year or so. I feel a little that some forget where I started out. I have actually been told "you don't know how hard it is." when having a conversation with someone that wants to make healthy changes. (WTH?!) For the most part I listen and be supportive. Hey, I HAVE been there and I know the frustration one feels when trying to start this journey. But there is only so much I can do and say to help until all we are doing is talking in circles. I do remember how hard it was and all the excuses I fed myself too. Until I got rid of all the bullshit that I was feeding myself... I wasn't going anywhere. It took weighing over 300 lbs for me to finally get it. I did it for me and I hope that others will do it for themselves too.

The post below is a little harsh, but it is what it is. Everyone has it in them to make their start. What will make or break you is how bad you want it and how hard you want to work for it.

No. More. Excuses.

I Am Not Cut Out For This...

I am declaring it now... This WILL be my last half marathon for a while. I need a break from the training and give my body a rest from running miles and miles. I got sick again tonight about mile 6. Barely ran 8 miles in 2 hours... I am in big trouble for next weekend. I am in the mind set now... I just want to run to come so I can get it over with. It can make running not fun for me and I don't want that! It is my stress reliever and shouldn't be causing me more stress.


I am not cut out to continuously run distance. My stomach is the main concern. I should not be used to throwing up after ever distance run. That isn't fun! I will be happy with 3-5 miles. That is plenty for my short little legs!


Okay, that was my big announcement. :)


I am hoping to start posting more. I was having a pity party for one since I was struggling with the weight loss. I had gained from the vacation and was getting super frustrated. As a good friend reminded me over the weekend... I still can post about that stuff! Everyone can relate to the struggle... so I apologize for being so lazy!








I promise to keep my head up :)




FUN FACT: I have now run OVER 700 miles (since I started counting with MapMyRun) That is CRAZY! Never would have thought I would be running, let alone this many miles!

Wait, what? I don't look gorgeous when I run??

Guess what?! I don't look perfect when running.

 Seems like a legit statement right? I had someone tell me how she always sees me running. In fact she saw me running last week... apparently I "always" look like I am  struggling and/or "about to die". Why thank you for pointing that out! :) I had then asked where she had seen me... figured out I was about 5 miles into my run around that time.
      **Side note: Whoever looks amazing after running 5 miles... PLEASE share your secret, cause I know I am a hot mess by this point!


Points of my story-

1. If you look gorgeous after a run... you weren't pushing hard enough.

2. I have a rule: No looking at your reflection while running. I prefer not to see what everyone else is!

 3. There are few moments in my life where I feel truly beautiful. One of those moments may surprise some.... it is when I get done with a run <3 Hot, tired, seat, stinky... gorgeous. I feel accomplished and not going to lie... a little bad ass.


So thank you lady for pointing that out :) Let's me know I have been working my ass off.

A Little Inspiration and a CHALLENGE to all

 I am not your average looking runner. I run my 5'1" (rounding up) 180 lb. body for miles. It is a struggle. However, I am out there doing it. Good run, bad run... doesn't matter.

The other night...

  I was about a mile in and running across an intersection. A man rolls down his window and shouts "You got this! Looking great!". Needless to say, I got a little pep in my step.

 About 4 miles in I was ...struggling a bit, but still going. I was running past this man that stepped to the side and said "You are doing great, girl. Keep going!". 

 About 10 minutes of being done w/ my run, I hear this shout from behind. I kept running, but I heard the shout again. I turned around and there was a man waving me over. I thought he needed directions. Nope. He wanted to tell me how awesome it was to see someone out there working hard. He used to be a runner and said he wouldn't have been able to be out here running like I was. He encouraged me to keep going and said how I much I inspired him.

 I have had a few people cheer me on when I am out and about running. Never anything like this, though. I can't tell you how touched I am, that total strangers stopped to encourage me to keep going... to keep running. It helped so much and I thank them for their motivation. I will think of this night every single time I don't feel like going for a run.

So my challenge to my friends and family: When you see a runner or anyone working out for that matter... doesn't matter what size they are, cheer them on. If they look like they are struggling, let them know they can do it. That small act of kindness can inspire anyone to go far. I personally(previously secretly) hope to motivate people when they see me out running. I don't look like your typical runner... but hey, I like to sparkle once in a while.

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