Thursday, May 29, 2014

Wait... You Mean Everything Isn't Perfect?

"I would be so much happier if I lost weight..."

I don't know how many times I said this. Over and over I repeated this line before I lost weight and even at the beginning of it all. I was so unhappy, that was what I clung to. Losing weight = Happiness.

I would like to say, for the most part... yes. Yes, I am 99.9% happier than I was at 300 lbs. I feel better, move better and over all have a way better attitude. However... there is still that .1%. That .1% that creeps up on me from time to time... the .1% that can take me off track for just a bit.

I have been in the largest of large funks this week and it has been extremely hard to shake myself of this. I have been feeling increasingly insecure about my body. The loose skin, the excess weight still there and the fact that I haven't lost a significant amount of weight in a year. Yeah, I said a YEAR. I have been pretty in denial about that fact.

One of the things I loved so much about losing weight, was dropping the dress sizes! To date I have dropped 7 dresses sizes since starting this journey. Pretty amazing to think about. I became so used to dropping at least 2 dress sizes a year, that when I was trying my shorts on for this summer... they fit. Perfectly. Now I am sure you are going to think I am crazy but... I was a little irritated. This is the first season in a few years that I didn't have to buy new clothes. The shirts are a little big yes, but everything fits. I guess I wasn't ready for that yet.

With everything I have written above... I guess what it comes down to is, some days, I have "fat" days. Days where I feel like I am over weight and am mad at myself for not continuing on the fast track to the healthy BMI.... that .1% of unhappiness that I still feel.


I can't let this post be all negative. That isn't me!

I haven't written anything since before the half marathon. WOW! I had the best time and have the best friends and family. The day couldn't have been more perfect. I ran almost the entire thing...! (year you read that right!) I finished in 2 hrs and 57 min. Which is only 2 minutes faster than last year... but I ran almost the entire thing! I walked when I drank water and that was a trick I learned right away. The first water stand I grabbed a cup... kept running... took a drink... and spilled the whole thing over my face and clothes. Lessons learned.... I am not the best at multi-tasking! I also walked when I eat my endurance cubes, let's be honest... that was needed.

The best moment of the day... running across that finish line and seeing my friends and family cheering like crazy! My grandparents, aunt, parents, sister and so many of my favorite people traveled to see me run across that finish line. This special little girl that I love dearly was even there with her little "Go Holly" t shirt. Damn do I love that. I love them all for being there. Specifically a certain man that drove 400 miles to see me on my big day. I still have a hard time talking to my boyfriend about this epic journey I have been on. Don't ask me why, because I don't understand it either. I just do. However, he knew how much this day meant to me and he was there 100% to support me. A girl couldn't be more lucky to be surrounded by such amazing people.

So I started this post whining and I end on a positive note. That is how I think it should be. Things may get me down, but there is always something or someone to bring me back up.

Remember to not let negativity run your life. Keep your head up.

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