Not JUST a Relay...

This next Saturday is the 3rd year that I have done the Granddads Bluff half marathon/relay. This year I am doing the relay and not doing the half marathon.








 I am making myself stop saying "I am JUST doing the relay". I have been having an interesting time of things with not participating in the half marathon. I KNOW I needed a break with doing 2 last year... but I still have a pinch. A pinch of feeling left out of all the fun. However, 6.5 miles is nothing to be ashamed of! I get to start with my friends and be there cheering the loudest at the finish line!








My friends and family are going to be there to support again! They have turned it into a party and I feel I will never be allowed NOT to do this run. Which I am totally fine with! It is such a fun day with everyone and there was no hesitation for my boyfriend (that travels so much) to be here for it. (Love him!) I have a soft spot for this run. It was the run where I feel I really came out as a runner... my first half marathon! It is the same with the Applefest 5k... first 5k ever. The memories are there.








I am ready for this run. More ready than I have felt for most of them. If I can just get over the whole "I am lazy for not doing the half marathon", it will be a fun time. With this weight loss journey I have been on, control is needed. A perfectionist, control freak... whatever you want to call it, I have needed to push myself. I know I can do a half marathon and have proved it 3 times. I have NOTHING to prove, so why do I feel all weird for not doing it?

Once An Emotional Eater... Always?

I. Am. An. Emotional. Eater.


There... I said it, admitted it and have owned it. I know there are many out there like me. I once felt the shame, but now have accepted it. I associate food with happiness, sadness, frustration and even boredom. I always thought it would be something that I could over come. If I had enough willpower, I would get to a point where I wouldn't have those urges... okay, so I am not always right.


For the most part, I can override the habit of literally feeding my emotions. I can workout, run, shop (not the best either! lol) and find something, ANYTHING to not eat bc of my mood. Once I realized that I could  distract myself enough to not indulge, I was pretty amazed. I don't always get past it though, I have miss steps, but at the end of the day, the thing we must focus on is... I am making better choices than I used to.


The reason why I have brought this subject up, is the fact that I have had some interesting things going on lately. Some new, potentially exciting things and a little loneliness. It has made it difficult to not stuff the emotions with food. I have been letting those rollercoaster feelings run my decisions of what to eat and when to eat the past few weekends. I have caved, I have worked out... I have caved some more and shopped a lot. I am human. No one can expect a 100% on point healthy lifestyle. If you are... you are going to set yourself up for failure. I have survived my emotional eating and so will every emotional eater out there, that wants to. That is the  main point.


You have to want to get yourself past it. Hiding the emotions behind frozen yogurt and gummy bears (my food of choice this time around!) doesn't help anyone and sure as hell doesn't make you feel better after eating them. If you get that 90% of the time... you are golden.


I shall take my 10% failure of the past few weeks and try to learn from them. Not saying I will never again allow my emotions to dictate what/when I eat... but I will try my damnedest to make it as infrequent as possible




Don't strive to be perfect, no one is. Strive to be better than you were yesterday.

Working Towards The Normal and A Little Conversation...

My last post, I confessed that I had gained 6 lbs. in a few months. I was off my "normal" routine of working out and having calorie conscious meals.


Since then, I have taken things extremely seriously and have logged my calories every day. Gotten to the gym every day that I normally would and have been more conscious of the choices I have been making. In saying allllll of that, I am happy to announce that I am back and only 2 lbs. away from my lowest weight.


It is so easy to get lazy and lose that control over the healthy lifestyle. Don't get me wrong, my choices weren't horrible. Certainly not even near as bad as before I started losing the weight. However, they weren't the right choices to expect to still continue to lose weight. I am the first to admit to having control issues and wanting things perfect. It is something that I try to work on, but with still having 50 lbs. to lose, I have to keep some of that control.


It is still going to take a bit to get in that healthy rhythm and get back to losing consistently, but I feel like I am in a different mindset. I am more positive about it and know that I am getting there.

Conversation piece...

I read this article the other day about "myths to achieving a healthy lifestyle". One of the "myths" they had was when people say that it takes "will power" to change a lifestyle. They did not agree with the notion and thought it was BS...I wholeheartedly disagree with their opinion over this.


 If anyone has a personal history of emotional/secret eating like I do, they KNOW that will power is one thing you have to have a whole lot of. One has to over think their decisions, stay in the habit of tracking everything and getting themselves to keep going. That is willpower and it is NEEDED to change any habit.


When one already knows what they need to do to lose weight the healthy way and still doesn't do it bc of their personal relationship, emotional connection or just plain abuse of food, it is more than learning how to eat. It is about overcoming those metal blocks, insecurities and everything else that goes along with one's relationship towards food.


What are your thoughts over this? Do you think willpower is important or BS?


Would love to hear your opinions! (ALL opinions are respected and welcome! Wither we agree or disagree about the topic)


Check out my new recipe as well! Some deliciousness from the pantry.

I Will Be Happier Once I Lose the Weight...

I have no idea how many times I said that to myself when I was over 300 lbs... 100? 200? Infinity??




I would say infinity, because I am still saying it to myself. I have been in a major funk for weeks. Not losing weight like I had before is making me over think everything that I know. I can feel the insecurities building up. It has been a really big rollercoaster with trying to stay positive and getting so frustrated. Losing weight on a regular basis was amazing. I was so happy to see the scale, happy to get the compliments and happy to lose the dress sizes. Once that high stops... it is depressing to say the least.


I hate to admit it... but here it is... I gained 6 lbs. in the past few months. It is painful to say, as I had prided myself of never gaining more than a few lbs. and that was always for a short amount of time. This time, I gained it and kept it on.


I am working on getting it off, have actually made great strides and have 5 lbs. to go before I get to my lowest again. If I say this setback didn't make me panic... everyone and their mothers would know I would be lying.  (this coming from the girl who cried big tears over eating French fries)


This is real though. This is life. I am going to be gaining (only slightly!) weight and losing weight, the rest of my life. To think that I wouldn't, was naïve. I can't panic, stress out, get depressed or throw in the towel when this happens. I need to work my ass off to get back on a steady track.


I have been feeling sorry, frustrated and angry... mostly at myself and my poor little scale for not showing the number I wanted it to. What I really needed to do was take a big breath and move forward. No more pouting, no more fits. Keeping my head up so I can live a happier life.




So that has been my secret. I've kept a smile on this face, but inside I was frustrated and upset. This journey isn't glamorous and there isn't always success. Hopefully this post helps others that get super frustrated. It isn't always going to be roses, you won't be happier once you lose weight... Life happens. There is always something that gets in the way. A lot of your happiness is based on how you handle the frustrating moments. Make those moments count and let it push you forward.

A New Year with NO Resolutions...

First of all, let me just say... HAPPY NEW YEAR!!


This is the time of year where everyone is talking about their "new year resolutions". Everything from goals to be: nicer, more adventure, learn a new skill and the BIG ONE... Lose weight.


So, I gotta ask... What was your New Years Resolution from 2014? Do you remember?


I know mine was to reach my weight loss goal. Since I obviously haven't been blasting it everywhere, you can safely assume I did not reach that goal. lol


It hit me the other day that having a weight loss goal as a resolution is kind of like saying... "I will start on Monday..." Why do I need to make a resolution at the beginning of the year to lose weight? Why not  continue on my journey? It is a lifetime thing, not just a year thing. To make a promise to myself about reaching that goal in 2015 would be setting myself up for a fail and a lie if I don't make it. I am not more motivated by making a resolution... I am more motivated with just trying to stay healthy and make good choices.


So I came to the decision... there will NOT be a resolution this year.




"Wanna start the new year right??! well here is a weight loss solution for you..."


For the last 3 years I have seen the gym fill up to the max of new people starting their resolution for the new year... and every year I see them dwindle one by one until by March, I would say, it is back to the "regulars" at the gym. Don't get me wrong, I love seeing new people at the gym, but it has sadly become my expectation that more than half won't be coming back by the spring. The weight loss resolution has become so commercial as well. There is always sales on gym memberships, ads for fitness sales and the fad diets (everyone knows how I feel about those!!) are everywhere! It seems that this happens mostly at the beginning of the year. Especially in the stores where they promote the fitness equipment and new weight loss pill at the front of the store. It is very frustrating to see year after year.


Don't fall into the trap of "I am going to lose weight this year.". Make the decision to make healthier choices and you won't have to make a resolution that you may not meet. It is a more positive way to start off a new year!


What are your thoughts on new year resolutions?

Holiday Eating Tips...#1

Make the calories count! It is hard to eat "healthy" around the holidays... so eat smart!


First tip ***Don't eat it unless it is worth it.

Store bought (fill in blank)- Not worth it.
Grandma's oatmeal fudge- Worth it.


Don't deprive yourself of the special treats that you only get once a year. Those don't come around very often and is a real treat. I am not saying go all out and eat an entire cake, but indulge in a slice. If it makes you smile... go for it.

Store bought rolls, desserts and salads? Leave it on the table. Things that you can/do eat all year round aren't worth the extra calories for the day.


That is the first of many tips to get through the holidays w/o gaining! Stay tuned for the next one :)

My Doctor Says: Just Chill.

Just chill... that is not something one usually hears from their doctor. However, that is the answer I got when I expressed my frustration over being stuck in this plateau for well over a year. She basically said that my body is happy, but don't give up. Just trying to live as healthy as I can is the only way the last of this weight will fall off.

In saying that... let me catch you all up on the last few weeks!


The half marathon was  a few weekends ago. I had a LOT of fun and did pretty well. It was a very strange feeling at the starting line... I was calm. (I know right?) You usually don't hear that from me. I had come to terms that this was a fun run and the only goal I had was to finish it.


I know I didn't train very well. To be honest I wasn't 100% into it bc it is really hard on my body and didn't take a huge break between the last one. The heat, the vomiting... I can give a ton of excuses of why I shouldn't have been ready, but I was. I was ready bc I was finally ready to just have fun.


I finished in about 3 hours and had a fabulous time. I was bummed though that they ran out of beer at the finish line... really?! :)

       

I am still holding strong with the weight loss and haven't gained anything lately. I am OKAY with that. Not thrilled, but am going to stay "chill" like my doctor says. Now that the half marathon is over with, I am ready to have a healthy relaxing winter. No stressing about getting my distance run in at the track, feeling like crap after and not having a very flexible schedule. I see a winter filled with running on a treadmill for 3-5 miles, weight lifting and for sure some HOT YOGA (ow!ow!). Now that sounds like a nice relaxing winter.

I have been trying a few new recipes lately and hopefully will get my favorites posted. There is nothing I like better than finding a tasty healthy alternative way of making things. My boyfriend would agree because I try these out on him so he gets a lot of good home cooked meals when he is home :)

One thing I am really looking forward to though is the Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving! It is an awesome tradition that I have with my friends. I don't visit family for this holiday and I usually spend it with my friends... running 5 miles! This will be the 3rd year and am already excited for those bloody Mary's after!

One last thought...

I saw this post below on one of my favorite Facebook pages (I <3 to run, check it out!) It made me really think about some of the conversations I have had in the past year or so. I feel a little that some forget where I started out. I have actually been told "you don't know how hard it is." when having a conversation with someone that wants to make healthy changes. (WTH?!) For the most part I listen and be supportive. Hey, I HAVE been there and I know the frustration one feels when trying to start this journey. But there is only so much I can do and say to help until all we are doing is talking in circles. I do remember how hard it was and all the excuses I fed myself too. Until I got rid of all the bullshit that I was feeding myself... I wasn't going anywhere. It took weighing over 300 lbs for me to finally get it. I did it for me and I hope that others will do it for themselves too.

The post below is a little harsh, but it is what it is. Everyone has it in them to make their start. What will make or break you is how bad you want it and how hard you want to work for it.

No. More. Excuses.