Friday, September 18, 2015

3 years later... I come back.

It has been 3 whole years since my first 5k run. I find myself sitting in the same spot, writing a blog post as I did that year. I still remember all the emotions running through my head that night. The excitement, the nerves and worry of not being able to finish the run. None of that even compared to all of the emotions that I felt crossing my first finish line. 23 runs later... I still have that feeling of amazement.

I can't believe I am doing this crazy run again. The hills alone are intimidating! I do remember my friends telling me afterwards that I chose one of the hardest 5k courses to start with... but they were afraid to tell me that bc I might back out... the were correct! I did feel like quite the bad ass after finishing this run though! Feeling like that bad ass is what made me decide after that run... to run a half marathon. Glad  I found one of my best friends to go along with that wild idea!

This has been one of the craziest journeys I have ever been on... I am a runner. 4 years ago I would have never thought I would be where I am. I never had the idea to go as far as I have and I honestly never would have started w/o 2 friends that invited me over for dinner and told me this crazy thing... I could run and not just run... but run a 5k. They gave me a book that changed my life. I can never ever thank them enough for pointing me in this direction. It is a part of me now.

I got myself started and I kept myself going, with a lot of support and advice from friends. The amazing group I run with and all of the runs that my family and friends have been at, I can't imagine this journey w/o them. They put up w/ my doubt, my complaints and the excitement over the little things. Little things that were big things for the woman that I used to be. I know many remember me texting or calling when I had run 2 blocks w/o having to stop and I still remember the first time I ran a full lap around the track. Mile after mile that I achieved, made me love it even more. I starting my goal at a block and turned it into completing 3 half marathons.

So much has changed in the last 3 years. Not just my physical appearance, but the outlook of my weight loss journey. I am a more positive person and have changed for the better. However, I am not at my goal weight or where I had imagined I would be. I am struggling. Struggling to keep on track, struggling to be okay w/ not losing weight regularly and struggling w/ being happy w/ my appearance. However, I am still 1,000 miles from where I was 5 years ago... overweight and hiding from the world. I take comfort in that. 

I am so excited to run tomorrow. I know it won't be pretty, but I plan on having fun. I have learned that over the last 3 years... doesn't have to be perfect, it's all about the fun. Even though I won't have my usual group or the amazing cheering section... it is just me and my run and nothing can keep me from it.

I have so many people to thank for helping me become the person I am today. I have no words that will ever be enough to say how grateful I am. You have kept me going when I thought I couldn't take one more step. Just thinking about that alone... makes me hold my head up high and move forward. Move forward with becoming a better person and not being ashamed of who I used to be.

Best of luck to all the runners that will be running this weekend! First run or 100th run, I am proud of everyone that steps out there, doing what they love.

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