Friday, August 10, 2012

Thoughts at Midnight...

So while I was trying to go to sleep last night a thought hit me. I will be moving this weekend. It has been almost 2 years to the month that I moved into this place. The person I was moving in, is NOT the person that is moving out.

First... I have a couch now. I did spend 6 wonderful months (insert sarcasm when reading) having lawn chairs for furniture until I could afford the couch I wanted.

Second... I have my career going and got my CCS-P certification. I am more financially stable and less stressed over money.

Third... I weigh over 100 lbs. less than I did when I moved in here. I started my lifestyle change in this little apartment and grew into the person I am today.

I am more of a positive person, more of an out going person and am ready to see what the future holds for me now.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

My excuse...

This is moving week for me. I feel like I have 100 things to do and not much time to do it. I have chosen (yes chosen) to not go to the gym this week so I can get everything done. I am hoping for a walk here or there, but will not have my full workout.

I am not making excuses for myself and that is the reason why I say this is my choice and not listing a bunch of reasons why I "can't". I feel if I state it this way I am being truly honest with myself and not hiding behind a smoke screen.

SO! No gym, that means I need to focus on the other aspect of a healthier lifestyle: the food. I got a bunch of frozen Smart Ones for lunch and all that. Not the best choice, but my kitchen is all packed up! I at first was just going to grab a sandwich here and there, however I feel that it would be a set back if I eat out all week. I feel solid in my decisions and will hopefully keep on track this week.

I am so happy to move! It is an upgrade from the decent apartment that I have at the moment... and it has way more room!

Positive things are happening this week.

Have you ever heard yourself talking about why you "can't" do something and then later realize you could have made it work? (many times in my book!)

Monday, July 30, 2012

Most Amazing...

I start this week with a little pep in my step. Last week I had been in a funk that I couldn't seem to get myself out of. Little did I know, I just needed a night out of town with some of my favorite people.

My best friend from HS is getting married next year. I was asked to be one of the bridesmaids! We went dress shopping on Saturday to try on the dress she picked out for us and kind of have a bonding weekend with the other girls. It couldn't have been anymore fun than it was! (The dresses are amazing and I am sure you will see lots of pictures later!)

Back Story: I was in 2 weddings previously. Both friends from HS and it was a fantastic time being in both. The only part for me that had a raincloud was when we were getting fitted for dresses. I always got nervous and hated seeing the size that I had to wear. I could never try the dress on because the bridal boutique never had a size big enough either. So basically, I just hoped in looked good on my body type.

The most embarrassing moment was where...*deep breath* I had to order extra fabric bc the dress didn't fit right... and she added it into the dress. I had ordered the biggest dress they had. I was mortified and couldn't believe this. (No, this wasn't my "life changing moment" should have been though right?)

So on to the present: We went to the bridal boutique and were measured for the dresses. The difference in numbers from the last time made me do a little jig in my head. I did get a little anxiety over trying the dress on, but I think it was just an "after shock" from times before.

The lady handed me the dress and pointed me into the dressing room. I tried the dress on and .... it was too big! I actually had to go down 2 sizes from the one she gave me. I know the dresses run with different sizes, but my last bridesmaid dress was a 26! and I was wearing an 18! My cousin came in to help me zip up and I whispered to her... "I am going to cry." She asked me why. I answered with... "I have never been able to actually try a dress on in the boutique, they have never had my size. Today I am wearing an 18!"

It was a moment I am pretty sure I won't forget. It is small things like that that make me realize where I am at today. I didn't order the dress because it is still a year before the wedding. I hope I will be dropping a few more sizes before then.

Celebrate your small victories!

P.S. I have officially dropped into a size 14!

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Feeling down and out.

I do not know why, but I have been feeling in a funky mood all week. I am not happy and it doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

I went out to eat last night and had a great time with my old roomy. We chatted and had a glass or two...okay three of wine. :) I got home and all I could worry about was how that meal affected my weight for the next morning.

Now the dinner wasn't even that bad! That is why I do not understand why I am being an emotional drama queen over it.

Veggie sandwich on rye
1 cup of cream of broccoli soup
1 pickle
side salad with raspberry vinaigrette
2 baby carrots
4 little pieces of garlic toast (think of 2 sides of a bun for all)

Honestly the meal could have been a lot worse... but it wasn't. So I don't understand why I am feeling so down. Maybe it is the stress of the week with over time and all that? Maybe the fail conversation with a guy that I am interested in? (that could definitely be it!)

I don't know, but I am over it!

Do you ever get in a mood and not know why? How do you bring yourself out of your funk?

Sunday, July 22, 2012

It's okay... no tears this year

My 2nd annual Christmas party was last night. We had blast singing Christmas carols, eating Christmas cookies and getting cozy by the "fireplace". It was pretty epic if I do say so myself.

After last year's Christmas party I had a little bit of a melt down. I had gained 3 lbs. over the weekend. I bawled my eyes out and then proceeded to walk 3 miles on the track that day. I started this weekend with... whatever happens, happens. I had "healthier" food this time and I was more aware of what I was eating, but I let myself have fun and not stress.

I woke up this morning feeling good and not stressed. I weighed myself and of course I gained. Am I happy? no. Am I going to cry about it? no. I accept it and move on. It is something that I have told myself time and time again. I have finally gotten it. I may not be perfect all the time and may still have my melts downs but, I know it won't last.

I am here to fight and am going to come out a winner.

Monday, July 16, 2012

I made it back a little lighter!

Well it was a fun filled weekend at my parents again. This time it was my mom's birthday. Last time I was home (for my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary) I had gained the weight I had lost that week. I never know how it is going to end up. I go to my parents with the best intentions, but sometimes slip up more than usual.

This visit I ended up still losing that 1 lb. that I did during the week. 1 lb. is 1 lb. I will take it! Celebrate all loses, doesn't matter if it is 1 lb. or 5 lbs., you are sill moving in the right direction.

I am 1 lb. closer to being under 200! It is a concept that I never thought would happen again.

Is there a time when you always have the best intentions to stay on track, but still stray a little bit?

*It is alright if you get of track for a moment. Just remember to get back on track the very next meal or next day. Do not wait until "next week" or "will start on Monday". That only hurts you and gives you more time to take even more steps backwards.*

Monday, July 9, 2012

Monday check in...

So the scale said a different number today... after gaining one pound last week, I was ready to see a different number on that scale. The number that I am very pleased to see? 211 lbs.

What that number means to me:

1. I only have 80 lbs. to go until I reach my ultimate goal.
2. I am only 12 lbs. away from being under 200 lbs. for the first time in more than 10 years or so.
3. The biggest thing of all... I can do this.

I am focusing on the fitness more but, I can't seem to help riding that emotional roller coaster over the numbers. I love seeing that number on the scale drop. I am devastated when it goes higher and a tad frustrated when it stays the same. Kind of a love hate relationship.

Today... I love the scale. :)

What part of a healthy lifestyle do you have a "love hate" relationship with?