Everyone has some sort of body issue. Doesn't matter who you are, one can always find something wrong with their body. Growing up and being over weight, I always had the thought "I will would be much happier if I lost weight. All my problems will be solved.".
How naïve was I to base all my happiness on the number I saw on a scale. I was an unhappy 300 lb. girl who KNEW all my problems would be fixed... if I was skinny. A lot of my unhappiness was based on my weight and the insecurities I felt with being so big. I used food as a crutch when I was sad or disappointed. Hell, I used food to celebrate and "relax". I was dealing with my feelings in all the wrong ways and my solution to those feelings... was still incorrect.
With having lost 130 lbs. in the last 3 years, I can say with all honesty... I AM HAPPIER. I have grown so much in the last 3 years and wouldn't take any of it back. It has been hard work, emotionally draining and one hell of a good time. However, the weight loss hasn't been the cure all for my body issues that I still have. Simply, I have the same issues with a few added new ones.
Recently I read an article highlighting this topic and have been thinking more and more about these insecurities. I've had this issue before, where I look in the mirror and see the same 300 lb. girl that I was. I don't see that person when looking in the mirror today, but I still feel huge some days. I have been the same weight for months and can't seem to get past it. The more I think about it the more frustrated I get.
Between the number on the scale and the excess skin I see on my body... that happiness that I am supposed to be feeling dwindles a little more. I get so angry at myself at times for letting myself get so big. I see that skin and it reminds me of how I ruined my body... harsh thoughts, but honest thoughts.
As time goes on, these thoughts come less and less. I am a fighter and won't let negativity bring me down. However, bringing that awareness that weight loss will NOT solve all your problems is very important. Anyone going through a life changing journey like this will have negative thoughts, but those moments will not define who you are.
I am not perfect and can't be positive all the time. As long as I don't let the negativity overwhelm me, I will survive and WILL be a happier person because of it. The number on the scale or size of my clothes do not define who I am... This journey has showed me way more than I ever thought it would.
